Wedding season is officially upon us and with it comes the litany of advice from experts to guide us through the delicate dance of proper wedding gift-giving etiquette.
What should you give? Do you go with something off the registry list? Do you give money? If so, how much is appropriate?
A woman who attended the wedding of her "not-close friend" last month opted for the latter, and was met with a few choice words from the bride herself.
Apparently, the bride did not approve of the $100 cash wedding gift she received from her guest Tanya and Tanya's boyfriend and voiced her displeasure in a Facebook message that read:
"Hi Tanya, how are you? I just want to know is there any reason or dissatisfaction of Mike's and I wedding that both you and Phil gave 50$ each? In terms of the amount we got from you both was very unexpected as a result we were very much short on paying off the reception because just for the cocktail + reception alone the plate per person is 200$ (as per a normal wedding range with open bar is about) and Mike and I both have already paid for everything else including decor, photography, attire etc and didn't expect we had to cover that huge amount for reception as well. As I know you both live together and work, so I did not see any reason for that amount, when it comes to your wedding hopefully you'll know what I mean. I hope for the best as from what we receive is what we will give back. Anyways, good luck on everything."
Yikes! That message is enough to make etiquette guru Emily Post turn in her grave.
Tanya, who just graduated from college with $40,000 in debt from student loans told the Huffington Post that the $100 she gave with her boyfriend was "generous, considering my financial situation."
"I just finished university with $40,000 in student loans, and have only found part time (12-18 hrs per week) minimum wage work," Tanya wrote. "I gave as much as I could and attended to show my support."
According to wedding planner Sharon Sacks, the bride's condescending and ungrateful message is an example of "an inappropriate response to a wedding gift."
"Weddings are a wonderful time to share with family and friends," Sacks said. "The expense and the cost of the wedding is solely the responsibility of the bride, groom, and their families, and never the people who are attending. I think people give with their heart and do the best that they can. I would hope that any bride and groom would understand."
Tanya was rightfully furious that the bride even went so far as to mention her current living and working situations.
"It's infuriating that she had the nerve to make assumptions about my finances, and assume that I or my boyfriend had an extra $400 lying around. Those $100 were hard-earned and she didn't show an ounce of gratitude for what she did receive," Tanya wrote. "If she had a minimum gift requirement, she should have specified it ... or asked everyone for income statements before inviting them."
How would you have responded to the bride's message?