Barack Obama: A Tragedy in One Act (Satire)


The president enters, glances at the mirror

Barack Obama: "Tell me sirrah, where is my mistress? I have not seen her nor the children this day. Point me in the direction. And my advisors as well. Where hath they run off to? I’ve so much to do! I must address the people!  

The Mirror: "Methinks thou doth not retain the full use of his faculties! Hast thou forgotten the jubilant throngs that filled the street? Should I once again remind thee of what today is?" 

Barack Obama: "It is a day like any other day. Prithee, cousin, is there something I am forgetting? "

The Mirror: "Aye, there is!" 

Barack Obama: "Something important?"

The Mirror: "Forsooth! Thou truly hath something most important to do this day!"

Barack Obama: "Prithee, I beg thee! Lift this veil from mine eyes."

The Mirror: "Thy table will show you the answers thou seeks'."

The president turns and looks over to his coffee table, seeing a copy of today’s newspaper. 

Barack Obama: "If this be thy latest feeble attempt at humor, cousin, I can assure thou I am in no mood for it." 

The Mirror: "Sirrah, I hath no desire to cause thee pain. However, ‘tis time thou opened thy eyes."

Barack Obama: "Thou always hath been my closest cousin, my ear, my sage! Now thou attempt to shatter my world? My loyal subjects would never wish to see their king in such a deeply saddened state."

The Mirror: "‘Tis pain I feel upon giving thou such news. However my dear sirrah, ‘tis time to get to the quick of the matter. I pray thee understands, as I believed thou did yesterday. When the clock strikes noon, thou shall give up thy throne to a new president." 

Barack Obama: "Speak no more cousin! I canst bare to listen!"

The Mirror: "Sirrah, you must! The tides turned during your highest mark. Your crowning achievement! When thou expected jubilant throngs to fill the city streets, thou found out ‘twas not to be. Thy subjects turned! Tell me, doth thou remember?"

Barack Obama: "I gave my subjects what they needed most. ‘Twas no fault of mine they could not understand. Little minds! Their small minds are rife with a dialect fit for apes! Could they not see what is best for them? More trouble than they’re worth, that’s what they are!"

The Mirror: "My liege, it sadness me to see you in such bitter dismay, but if it should bring you a Small morsel of comfort, a quantum of ease, your subjects will not be a concern in One hours’ time."

Barack Obama: "My friend, confess! What dost thou glean that eludes me so?"

The Mirror: "Dearest Sirrah, thou shalt be forced to relinquish thy title when the clock strikes noon. They reign has ended. Thou can go home, see thy children, and wife! Do not continue to err. Let rest what is." 

The president turns away, dropping the newspaper. After taking a break, he turns back to face his reflection.

Barack Obama: "Dear cousin, if thou knew the tones my wife could achieve when her voice is raised, thou wouldn’t be so eager to suggest such a thing. Today, of all days!" 

The Mirror: "So, thou doth know what today will bring?"

Barack Obama: "Prithee, dear friend, I cannot continue. ‘Tis far too antagonizing to know I shan’t not get the chance to show the subjects what could be."

The Mirror: "Forsooth, thou dost understand. Go, my grace. Bid one last farewell. Offer one last wave. Mine heart aches for thee." 

Barack Obama: "Ne’er again shall I want to be among them. Peasants! Ticks! Ungrateful subjects, all!"

The Mirror: "Prithee my lord! Noon shall soon be here. Thou must accompany thy successor to his crowning. Thy final duty approaches. Leave with grace, and poise. Leave with strong carriage that shows heart, and pride!" 

The president turns and walks towards the door. Before leaving, he turns back towards his friend, the mirror.

Barack Obama: "I thank thee for thy wisdom once more, dear friend. If not for the comfort thou hast bestowed, the stresses of this day would surely bend my knees. I shall go, though there shan’t be any joy that I will reap. My successor trusts the subjects too much. Till my last breath shall I wish that his woes exceed my own during his reign as king."

The Mirror: "My dear cousin, thou ne’er were king."