News broke on Friday that SkyMall, beloved purveyor of bizarre and hilarious products that even the biggest stoner you know couldn't dream up, is filing for bankruptcy, citing distractions caused by electronic devices as the reason for its demise.
Immediately, the Internet erupted with SkyMall-induced grief. People from every corner mourned the news, decrying it as a sign of the times and another piece of evidence that Technology Ruins Everything.
And with good reason: SkyMall is a goddamn national treasure. From its bizarre home décor to its undeniably stylish threads, the in-flight magazine brought us all the things we never even knew we needed.
In memoriam, we offer up a eulogy of sorts for SkyMall — the weirdest and most amazing products this fallen angel selflessly gave us over the years.
Shaping and sucking isn't limited to the ladies anymore, fellas!
2. Outdoor Dog Chaise Lounger
3. Bob's Affirmation Box
If anyone has any idea what this is, let us know.
4. Night Glow Toilet Seat
SkyMall knows how to fucking party.
5. Travel Hoodie Pillow
Perfect for when you want the person next to you please shut up.
6. Seabreacher Customized Boat
Just. Jesus Christ, look at this thing.
7. American Eagle Room Divider
Perfect for the racist uncle in your life.
8. Wine Glass Holder Necklace
It's difficult to see how this wouldn't be the perfect accessory for any situation.
9. SaddleBaby Hands Free Shoulder Carrier
No more children dropped on their heads with this thing!
10. Obama and McCain Figurines
From the reviews: "I added this to an order because it was very cheap and brought me up to the free shipping amount for the rest of my order. I threw it away." Nailed it.
11. I Am Not a Paper Cup with Lid
Unfortunately, the not-paper cup is no longer available, but its memory will live in our hearts forever.
12. Waistband Stretcher
Perfect for those sad, late nights full of ice cream and despair.
13. Squirrel Tree Climber Sculpture
Look at his little utility belt! Precious.
14. Beard Hat
If it's good enough for John Legend, it's good enough for us.
15. Litter Robots
Your cat definitely won't try to claw your eyes out after it escapes from an automated litter box.
16. Remote Controlled Tarantula Spider
dreams nightmares are made of.
17. The Siamese Slanket
Perfect for all your snuggling and covert handjob needs.
RIP SkyMall. May the great big plane in the sky have a never-ending supply of your genius magazine.