17 Ridiculous SkyMall Products That You Need to Buy Before It Closes


News broke on Friday that SkyMall, beloved purveyor of bizarre and hilarious products that even the biggest stoner you know couldn't dream up, is filing for bankruptcy, citing distractions caused by electronic devices as the reason for its demise.

Immediately, the Internet erupted with SkyMall-induced grief. People from every corner mourned the news, decrying it as a sign of the times and another piece of evidence that Technology Ruins Everything.

And with good reason: SkyMall is a goddamn national treasure. From its bizarre home décor to its undeniably stylish threads, the in-flight magazine brought us all the things we never even knew we needed.

In memoriam, we offer up a eulogy of sorts for SkyMall — the weirdest and most amazing products this fallen angel selflessly gave us over the years.

1. Man-Spanx

Shaping and sucking isn't limited to the ladies anymore, fellas!

2. Outdoor Dog Chaise Lounger


3. Bob's Affirmation Box

If anyone has any idea what this is, let us know. 

4. Night Glow Toilet Seat

SkyMall knows how to fucking party.

5. Travel Hoodie Pillow

Perfect for when you want the person next to you please shut up.

6. Seabreacher Customized Boat

Just. Jesus Christ, look at this thing.

7. American Eagle Room Divider 

Perfect for the racist uncle in your life.

8. Wine Glass Holder Necklace 

It's difficult to see how this wouldn't be the perfect accessory for any situation. 

9. SaddleBaby Hands Free Shoulder Carrier

No more children dropped on their heads with this thing!

10. Obama and McCain Figurines

From the reviews: "I added this to an order because it was very cheap and brought me up to the free shipping amount for the rest of my order. I threw it away." Nailed it.

11. I Am Not a Paper Cup with Lid


Unfortunately, the not-paper cup is no longer available, but its memory will live in our hearts forever.

12. Waistband Stretcher

Perfect for those sad, late nights full of ice cream and despair. 

13. Squirrel Tree Climber Sculpture

Look at his little utility belt! Precious.

14. Beard Hat

If it's good enough for John Legend, it's good enough for us. 

15. Litter Robots

Your cat definitely won't try to claw your eyes out after it escapes from an automated litter box.

16. Remote Controlled Tarantula Spider

The stuff dreams nightmares are made of.

17. The Siamese Slanket

Juli Boggs/Wordpress

Perfect for all your snuggling and covert handjob needs.

RIP SkyMall. May the great big plane in the sky have a never-ending supply of your genius magazine.