Obnoxious Tinder Profile Highlights the Sexist Dating Problem Women Still Face
In an apparent effort to be the "hero" all single women deserve, one Tinder user has given us an uncomfortable reminder of what single women actually face when they date.
In a Tinder profile screenshot posted by Reddit user Alabamanon on Monday, so-called hero "Daniel" makes a pitch to potential women by promising to help them find the One.
How does a heterosexual woman lock down Mr. Right, according to Daniel? By not sleeping with him on the first date. Yes, we're back here again:
The persistent "milk for free" stigma: What's so wrong with having sex on the first date with Mr. Right? As Daniel so regressively points out, when you "fuck him on the first date, he will lose interest, the sweet texts will stop and you'll be all alone with your pizza rolls swiping left and right again." The only way to keep a man's interest, apparently, is to be "challenging," aka withhold sex.
It's a cruder version of the dating "wisdom" we've heard before: "Why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free?" The logic is that the only reason a guy would "buy the cow" (date a woman) is to get the milk, making sex the most valuable thing a woman can offer. It's the same sentiment conveyed in the phrase "putting out" (almost always applied to women), or, as one off-putting Huffington Post blog phrases it, "giving up the goods right away."
When a woman does give up the goods? No matter how she decides to engage in sex — too soon, too late, casually, with emotions, without emotions — it will inevitably be a judgment on her character.
The modern reality: Such dated yet persistent stereotypes have a real effect on women. In a 2013 survey of almost 1,000 people ages 18 to 35, Cosmopolitan found that 83% of women still believe that men will judge them if they have sex on the first date.
But do guys really think less of women who "give up the goods"? According to Cosmopolitan's survey, 67% of men don't think any less of a woman who decides to sleep with someone on their first night together. As one guy told Glamour, "If I had sex with a woman on the first date, I wouldn't respect her less. I'd just want to have more sex!"
Plus, surveys indicate that despite the lingering stigmas, sex on the first date isn't some "slutty" fringe behavior — many of us, men and women, are doing it. By so many measures, society today is more sex-positive than ever before, and women are more empowered to embrace their sexuality.
Which makes stances like Daniel's more dissonant than ever. Sex on the first date won't repel "the One" (something couples who had sex on the first date and went on to have long-lasting relationships prove). Women don't need a male "hero" telling us when we should be having sex. We should be doing it when both partners decide it's right. Pizza rolls are just an added bonus.