J.K. Rowling is delightfully easy to surprise when it comes to her Harry Potter characters and their sexuality. When she found out her Neville Longbottom, actor Matthew Lewis, posed nearly naked on the cover of Attitude, she had quite the eye-opening experience.
She's not a prude, showing herself to be supportive of Lewis, but she's perhaps not the best audience for Potter-related sexuality. These characters were kids when she developed them, after all.
One must wonder, then, what Rowling thinks of the scores of Harry Potter erotica available online. Some is more extreme than others, mostly available on sites like fanfiction.net and hpfanficarchive.com. Most of it, however, would make the beloved author blush.
To that end, we've collected a sampling of nine wild Harry Potter fanfics on the web. Some are bluer than others, but all bring the cast of Hogwarts and beyond to a quite different place than Rowling likely ever imagined. They're outrageous, yet quite fun — one could even call them magical.
"Severus' teeth caught Lucius' bottom lip and the wizard's chest hitched, his knuckles whitening around the ornate pommel of his hideously pretentious walking stick. Severus' tongue bathed the wound he'd made. 'Breaking the tedium of a Governors' meeting?' Another brush of his lips, longer, tasting him, his fingers teasing over the sharp plane of Lucius' jaw to slip, slide into the white glow of his hair."
2. "Slow Dancing in a Burning Room"
"He tastes the salt of her tears as he sucks on her lower lip, his hands clutching her hair like she is a lifeboat. She has so much to be sorry for — but then, so does he. 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.' She mumbles the words against his skin like a spell, as if her incantation will somehow save them both."
3. "Harry Potter and the Emerald Coven"
"Gabrielle leant forward again, Harry keeping his hands stalwartly on the armrests. She began by kissing him again, but quickly moved over his cheek, kissing and licking along the way. She teased his ear, nibbling on the cuff, and sucking on the lobe. Harry felt beads of sweat trickling down his face, and was sure he was harder than he had ever been before. She went down his neck pausing briefly to bite and suckle on his pulse point. Harry shuddered and groaned at the attention."
4. "Too Close"
"Harry woke up to the feeling of fingers caressing his rounded stomach, while a mouth was peppering kisses in his neck. Enjoying the sweet caresses, he turned to lay down on his back and hummed sleepily. 'Happy birthday, Harry,' Draco whispered in his ear, biting teasingly in his earlobe."
5. "Wildest Dreams"
"There was something beautiful in the secrecy. Their moments belonged to them, and only to them. He pushed her harder against the wall, kissing up and down her neck. She wound her fingers through his hair with desperation, grinding against him. 'Impatient, aren't we?' he murmured, his breath on her skin causing her heartbeat to race."
6. "Hermione's Furry Little Problem"
"Hermione felt less upset about that than she thought she would if the news went this way. She had got to like Harry scratching her behind the ear and stroking her tail, and just thinking about it was starting to make her feel excited. Harry too wasn't unhappy about the news. He loved Hermione's ears and her tail."
7. "You're a Bloody Tease!"
"Blaise cupped his cheeks, and tilted his head to the side. He looked into emerald and he didn't know who moved first, but suddenly they were all over each other. Their tongues scraped lewdly against each others, and Blaise savored the distinct scent of treacle tart as it wafted up his nose. It smelled delicious and he breathed it in greedily."
8. "Harry Potter: Lover of the Horned God"
Author: J'adore Foxy T-T
"Cernunnos smirked as Hadrian kissed him hard, and Cernunnos gripped his ass with a bruising force. He pulled Hadrian down, and Cernunnos' aching need rubbed against the cleft of Hadrian's ass. He moaned, and while Hadrian nibbled on his Adam's apple, Cernunnos dipped his fingers into Hadrian's tight ring of muscle."
9. "The Times He Tells Her"
"Only one candle is left when they leave the bath, and he dries her tenderly. They sit on his bed, legs crossed like children, and he takes his time combing out her riotous hair. They are silent, both a little dazed by the intensity of their lovemaking."