This Couple Got Hilariously Honest About Sex After Having Kids in Viral Facebook Note
When it comes to LAHK, or life after having kids, plenty of things change. From shopping for extra mouths to feed and reconfiguring your sleep schedule to deciding whether you want to be a marsupial mom or a stroller mom, life will never be the same as it once was.
Also never to be the same as it once was? Sex!
Which is perhaps why one Australian mom is going viral right now for her candid — and v. funny — description of what it's like to get it on with your spouse while the threat of your children being scarred for life looms over the whole event like a collection of dark clouds that happen to spell out the word "Gymboree."
"We had 'parent sex' yesterday," blogger Constance Hall wrote on Facebook.
"You know what parent sex is," she continued. "It's that 3.5 minutes you get in-between changing nappies and making food, where you realize it's been almost a month since you banged and are starting to feel like flat mates, where your husband's seduction consists of one finger pointing towards the bedroom and the other hand on his dick."
Elsewhere in the cheeky post, Hall writes that "parent sex" involves "positioning the bed to have one foot against the door because for a loud bunch of kids, yours can be pretty quiet when they're sneaking up on people."
She also mentions that Igglepiggle playing in the background doesn't exactly set a sexy mood, and she's impressed with her hubby's ability to "finish under such circumstances." (Note: For the unfamiliar, Igglepiggle is a character on the show In the Night Garden, a Teletubbies-esque, BBC children's show, which is delightful.)
Hall told Mic that the post came from a desire to give Facebook a dose of humorous reality to counteract the highly curated nature of posts, especially from parents, that depict some peoples' romantic lives as a easy, breezy, beautiful sex-fiestas all the time.
"I noticed a lot of people insinuate on Facey that they have these amazing sex lives, and I wondered if that was true," she said, "'cause it sure as shit wasn't happening for us!"
Judging from the post's success, it wasn't happening for many other parents on the site. As of this writing, the post has garnered over 100,000 likes and over 26,000 shares, which Hall said she considers a win for her mission to humorously tackle subjects in a way that is so honest that she feels "a bit cringy" while posting.
"I've always said if it's not honest, it's not worth writing," she told Mic. "And apparently everyone was dying for someone to admit that parent sex is weird as fuck!"
Weird it is indeed, judging from the description. But on the bright side, Hall's post proves that where there's a will, there's a way. Even if you have to endure a li'l Igglepiggle in the process.
h/t Daily Mail