President Obama and Malia Just Went for a Walk — We Know What That Was All About
According to a dispatch from the White House pool, earlier in the day President Barack Obama and his eldest daughter, Malia, went "for a short walk on a trail near their residence."
This could be just your average I'm-bored-you're-bored-it's-nice-out-let's-walk walk, because of course, our POTUS probably doesn't have anything better to do than stroll around the grounds.
We don't think strolling is what this walk is about. Given recent events, we have some theories about the discussion Obama and his eldest are currently having.
1. That gap year
"I didn't sign off on a gap year so you could spend it booty-grooving and smoking doobies at Lollypazooly," Obama was maybe saying to his daughter mere minutes before you read this.
"Ohmygod, dad. It's called Lollapalooza," she maybe groaned.
2. The Spotify playlist
"Did you hear? The press thinks my Spotify playlist is 'lit,'" POTUS probably noted, hopefulness in his voice. "I think you'll learn your old dad is hipper than you think."
"Dad, do you have to share your sexytime playlist with the entire nation, every year?" Malia no doubt pleaded. "Tower of Power? Really?"
"Malia, 'So Very Hard to Go' is a timeless romance anthem that your mother and I both love," Obama almost definitely argued.
3. Swedish Fish Oreos
"Nabisco is out of its damn mind with those Swedish Fish Oreos," Obama without a doubt opined to his eldest.
"OMG, ew," his daughter probably vocalized.
4. Frank Ocean
"Where's that damn Frank Ocean album?" Obama asked his daughter, a young person who knows things about pop culture.
Malia, it can be assumed, shrugged in response.
5. Proper form
"Now, when you're smoking grass, you know you want to inhale, right?" Obama certainly asked his daughter.
"I just want to make sure," he just about definitely hedged his cool dad pointer. "Some people don't know that inhaling is the whole point."
Brianna Provenzano contributed to this hypothetical-but-surely-accurate report.
Correction: Aug. 12, 2016