Some Theories About Who This Bizarre and Horrifying Police Sketch Is Supposed to Be

The best/worst thing that happened on Thursday was that the police in Cumru Township, Pennsylvania, released an official police sketch of a suspect in a recent robbery at the Valero-Shillington Food Mart. 

According to WTXF, witnesses described the suspect as "a white male, approximate age range of twenties to early thirties, sandy to brown color shoulder length wavy hair, approximately six feet tall, with a thin build." 

According to the police sketch, witnesses described the suspect as a terrifying demon monster with fangs and a mullet. Assuming the sketch is accurate, here are some theories about who robbed the Valero-Shillington Food Mart.

1. The Jesus fresco that that elderly woman tried to "restore"

Javier Vinuela/AP

2. The Beast from Beauty and the Beast (before or after he turns back into a prince)


3. Actor/director/leather jacket importer Tommy Wiseau

Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

4. This character from Thundercats


5. Brendan Fraser in George of the Jungle


6. Brendan Fraser in Encino Man


7. Aslan


8. White Jesus

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