And we're back again, Bachelor-enthusiasts and Nick Viall-lovers and haters alike. Monday night delivered episode two of the roller coaster of feelings that is The Bachelor. The first series of dates saw Corinne solidify herself at the official villain, Danielle land a dream one-on-one and Liz get an unceremonious and abrupt goodbye.
The episode kicks off with the 22 gals in the mansion toasting their exciting new life as girlfriends of Nick Viall. They just can't stop talking about how fantastic and "genuine" Nick is!
Chris Harrison rolls up and reveals that not everyone is going to get a date this episode, so they should make the most of their precious time with Nick when they can. The first group date crew rolls away for a mysterious "bridesmaid-themed" date.
Nick, of course, is wearing a very tight T-shirt on the date. He admits that he wasn't always the best on group dates, but let's all take wedding photos anyways! The gals are obviously over-the-moon excited to don a wedding dress in front of Nick — but not all of them get to play brides.
Alexis, aka the girl who wore a shark costume, decides to take a shot (why not!) while Corinne brags to everyone about how she was the very first person to touch her lips to Nick's thus far.
Each woman's turn during the photoshoot turns into a competition into who can do more sexy things with Nick, and obviously Corinne gets jealous of Nick's magical moment with Taylor. They all get to talking about who likes him the most, while Liz quietly sits in the corner thinking about how she has already had sex with him. In case you didn't know. She did.
Brittany gets the sexiest of all the photos with Nick, because she and Nick are just wearing leaves and nothing else. So Corinne decides to out-sexy her by taking her bikini top off in the pool. Of course everyone stands by the sidelines and judges her.
The "photographer" chooses Corinne as the "winner" of the photoshoot for no reason whatsoever or maybe because he touched her "bosom."
That night, back in non-wedding apparel, they hang out at a cool outdoor cocktail lounge-type situation. Corinne steals Nick away for some one-on-one time while all the girls sit around and slut-shame her. Corinne and Nick do some kissing, which she happily tells the other women when she returns to the pack.
But Corinne isn't alone — almost everyone kisses Nick! Not Southern-gal Raven though, she has an emotional sit-down with Nick and tells him that she's had her heart broken before, and also sort of insults him.
Meanwhile, back at the mansion, a new date card arrives. Neonatal nurse Danielle M. is getting the very first one-on-one date! Liz, filled with jealousy, shoots daggers at Danielle with her eyes.
Back on the date, Corinne plots to steal Nick away, interrupting his chat with Alexis the shark — she literally says the phrase "I'm interrupting you" — and stirs up HEAPS of drama in the process. But they don't chat long and she returns to the crew again.
Taylor gets her turn with Nick, and tells him all about what it's like to have a master's in psychology. But then Corinne comes over again to "steal" Nick away for the third time that night. Nick audibly sighs when he sees her approaching.
Corinne is trying to seduce Nick when — all of a sudden — Taylor returns to "re-steal" Nick, which pushes Corinne over the edge into full-on bizzaro world. She begins monologuing about the right and wrong way to steal men. As soon as Taylor returns to the group, they have a very awkward confrontation on the couch where they keep passive-aggressively repeating how "okay" they both are.
Corinne takes the very tense moment as an opportunity to lecture the entire group date about how weird this whole experience is going to be (she's not wrong) and that they are all here for Nick "and that's it."
Nick returns from chatting with some offscreen producers (probably) and gives out a rose to ... Corinne!! Everyone is shocked, except Corinne, of course.
She tells everyone she just put herself "out there" and was "just Corinne," and then says "xoxo Gossip Girl" while waving her new rose in the air.
The next day, Corinne can't stop talking about how much she "won" the group date while Danielle M. gears up for a very special one-on-one date with Nick. They start off with a helicopter ride (typical) which lands on a yacht (of course).
Nick and Danielle sip champagne and eat cheese while, back at the mansion, Liz tells us yet again that she and Nick had sex. After Jade and Tanner's wedding. They had sex.
Liz simply must unburden herself of her secret — so she confesses to Christen that she and Nick met AT JADE AND TANNER'S WEDDING (we know, girl) and "hooked up." Christen gives Liz a very concerned and slightly-judgmental look the entire time she is talking.
On their one-on-one, Danielle can't stop adorably giggling about how wild her day with Nick was, and the two sit down together for a romantic dinner by candlelight. Danielle confesses that she watched Bachelor in Paradise but she doesn't know a lot about him, so Nick gives her the rundown of his various Bachelor-franchise heartbreaks.
Then Danielle tells Nick that she was engaged once and her fiancé died of an overdose. Real emotion and trauma is always hard to process in an environment as artificial as The Bachelor, but Nick respectfully expresses his admiration for her.
And then he offers her a date rose, which she gladly accepts. They board an empty ferris wheel and kiss a lot while gentle piano music plays in the background.
Back at the house, a new date card arrives for the next group date — and Liz, thankfully, is on the list. She immediately begins planning for a confrontation.
The theme of the date the next day is "We Need to Talk," and Liz's eyes are glimmering with anticipation. The limo filled with women rolls up in Hollywood and Nick hugs everyone one-by-one.
Their date is at the Museum of Broken Relationships where Nick's engagement ring for Kaitlyn is on display for all to see. He tells them all about how much he has grown and changed on his Bachelor-journey. Suddenly, they are interrupted by two performers doing a live break-up scene. The "fun twist" of today's date is that they all have to pretend to break up with Nick!
Christen, who is the only one who knows about Nick and Liz, spies on them from around the gallery and determines that Nick is definitely avoiding Liz.
They all gather for some break-up performances. Kristina pretends to shame Nick for not brushing his teeth, Jaimi yells at him for being fake-messy, Josephine slaps Nick right across the face and goes full-on Tennessee Williams with her fake break-up.
Finally it's Liz's turn — and she decides to go from her "heart" and say what actually, really happened between them, talking about Jade and Tanner's wedding and everything. Christen is aghast in the audience. Nick is confused about whether or not she is actually breaking up with him and so is ... everyone?
Apparently they don't talk about it until that night, when they all show up to an empty nightclub. Nick says that Liz's "performance" is his "nightmare," and now he's scared that Liz has been telling everyone else about the time they had sex. At Jade and Tanner's wedding. They had sex.
While Nick is talking to all the women on the group date, Jaimi casually tells Nick that she dated a woman once and he makes an annoying comment about how "interesting" that is.
Then Nick talks to Christen, who lets it slip that she knows all about how Liz and Nick had sex at Jade and Tanner's wedding (!!) so Nick gets stressed out and decides he needs to finally confront Liz.
He says he needs to know if Liz just wanted to use their past to get on television. He pulls Liz aside and says, nicely, that they had a lot of fun together. But he also calls her out for never getting in touch with him after their one night together, even though it clearly would have been easy for her.
Liz claims that she just doesn't like phone conversations, which is pretty fishy. Everyone else on the date is worried about why Nick and Liz have been gone for so long, but they don't need to worry, because Liz is getting a stern goodbye from Nick. That's right, she's not getting anymore roses.
"I just don't think we have a future," he tells her flat-out. He walks her out and she's gone for good. But now he has to go back to the rest of the women and explain why Liz had to leave so abruptly.
He tells them all he sent her home, and they gasp with shock and awe. He explains that they MET AT JADE AND TANNER'S WEDDING AND HAD SEX. How will everyone react? Will they impale Nick on a stake? Will they smother him with his own beard?
We'll have to find out next week on The Bachelor, because this baby ends with a cliffhanger.