Trump Inauguration 2017: Why won’t Tiffany Trump perform her infamous "Like a Bird" Friday?

If you were poking through the ash and ruins of political Twitter Tuesday, you may have come across a little story suggesting Tiffany Trump, Donald Trump's daughter, would be performing at the president-elect's coming inauguration. It came from one Santa Monica Observer, "the only newspaper in the City of Santa Monica that dares to tell you the truth!" according to its Facebook page

The paper reported Tiffany would be performing "Like a Bird" — her 2011 underappreciated, auto-tune-heavy dance hit — a reality some Twitter users have been hoping to see since November's election was called in Trump's favor.

Considering the gauntlet Trump's inauguration team has been through, running back and forth trying to secure talent, and the president elect's penchant for nepotism, it really didn't seem outside the realm of possibility to see a singing Trump onstage. Readers of the Santa Monica Observer, including actress Ana Gasteyer, shared the story around, though with a healthy dose of skeptism.

However, it turns out the story was a lie, top to botttom. In a Tuesday email a spokesperson for the Trump Organization confirmed this was false. There will be no Tiffany Trump, singing no "Like a Bird" on Trump's sacred day. But why not? 

Listen to its sultry, Final Fantasy-esque melodies and breathy auto-tune and tell us it doesn't deserve to usher in a fascist U.S. future.

It would be an appropriate place for Trump to allow contributions his youngest daughter, whom he once described as being proud of to "a lesser extent" than his other children "because she just got out of school, out of college." He's already secured spot for Ivanka's husband Jared Kushner in his White House, and has Donald Jr. and Eric working a part of his transitition team. A Tiffany Trump pop set would complete the spread — but perhaps that's putting too many eggs in one basket. Maybe they're saving the Tiffany Trump comeback to shop around for a reality show, if this White House thing doesn't work out. 

"I love music," Trump once said of her singing aspirations back in 2011 when she premiered the single. "It's always been very dear to me, and it's a deep passion. It's more of a hobby right now, but we'll see in a couple of years if I actually do want to take it to the next level, as a professional level. But right now my priority is just focusing on school and getting into a good college."

Tiffany graduated in 2016 from University of Pennsylvania, so if she's going to try to get back into singing, now would be as a good a time as any. She may even have a sound people are thirsting for.

Take off Logic's rap verse — not the Logic of Visionary Music Group fame — and Tiffany's music also sounds close to the "synthwave" or "fashwave" cherished by the "alt-right" for being implictly, aggressively white. After helping Trump bully his way into the White House, it could be a great way to throw a bone to the muscle. Sadly for Tiffany and her fans, the nation will instead be stuck with 3 Doors Down and Toby Keith as their inaugural ballers.