Herman Cain Fox News: Network Welcomes Another Failed GOP Candidate


When Fox News essentially fired Sarah Palin last month, the nation — maybe even the world — let out a sigh of relief, thinking maybe Fox News was trying to gain back its credibility by letting go of one of its top-notch crazies.

But apparently, that wasn’t the case: Fox has officially become home to failed Republican candidates, as it announced Friday that it has officially hired former presidential candidate Herman Cain as a contributor for Fox News Channel and Fox Business.

You know, the same Herman Cain who is so confused about his own stance on just about everything, he once said that abortion should be illegal under every circumstance yet should be up to the mother’s in the same paragraph and “jokingly” once said that the solution to controlling illegal immigration was to set up an electric border fence that would be fatal to anyone who tried to climb it.

For those of you who still can’t quite remember who Herman Cain is, don’t worry — I try to block him out of my memory most of the time, too. You might remember him as the Republican presidential contender who, at one point in 2011, was the frontrunner, even leading President Obama in the polls, with his 9-9-9 plan. However, scandals plagued his candidacy, including an alleged extramarital affair that supposedly lasted 13 years and a case of sexual harassment from the 1990s resurfaced, creating “too much of a cloud” for him to go forward with his presidential candidacy.

But aside from his sex scandals, Cain also seems to know just about nothing when it comes to world events and news (making him an excellent choice as a contributor for Fox News, am I right?) In 2011, when asked about his thoughts on how the President handled Libya, Cain stumbled and fumbled over his thoughts, starting off with, “Okay, Libya… (long pause), President Obama called for the removal of Qaddafi — just want to make sure we’re talking about the same thing before I say ‘Yes, I agree,’ or ‘No, I didn’t agree.’”

He then went on to say he disagreed with the president, right before forgetting what he was talking about. His excuse for not remembering what was happening in Libya?

“I’ve got all this stuff twirling around in my head.”

Awesome. A few days later, Cain still didn’t seemed to have gotten a handle on situations outside of the U.S. (or in our country, really), when he said he believed that elements of Taliban, which in fact holds a stronghold in Afghanistan and Pakistan, notLibya, was gaining footing in the new Libyan government.

For his part, he has also admitted that he didn’t know very much on a few occasions.

“When they ask me who’s the president of Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan I’m going to say, 'You know, I don’t know. Do you know?'"

This particular gaffe was not only seen as Cain wearing his ignorance as a badge of honor, but also viewed as mocking the country’s name along with the other "stan" countries. It also caught the attention of foreign leaders, including that of Afghan president Hamid Karzai’s, showing that although he may not know who they are, they certainly knew who he was … and well, mostly, they were enjoying a good laugh at his expense.

So does Herman Cain have anything of substance to contribute to the news? No, definitely not. But then again, that’s to say that Fox News is actually a news station and not just a weird, right-wing politicized version of Comedy Central.