Oscars 2013: Kyle Chandler is a Spy


ALERT: If you happen to see Kyle Chandler while watching the Oscars tonight, take note. He's likely plotting and spying and being super secret-y.


He charmed us all into believing he was an affable high school football coach — but as soon as that gig ended, he disappeared.

Friday Night Lights was all a clandestine ruse. 

After his show finished (probably because his mission was over), he traveled back in time to the late 70s and pretended to be Jimmy Carter's Chief of Staff, Hamilton Jordan — who played a significant role in the Iranian Hostage Crisis and Ben Affleck's movie Argo.

Then, get this: he traveled forward in time to the mid-2000s to become Joseph Bradley, the Middle East CIA Director under G.W. Bush. As we witnessed in Zero Dark Thirty, he basically tried really hard to not capture Osama bin Laden.

Coincidence? Unlikely. Kyle Chandler must be some sort of time-dancing double agent for like the whole Middle East and more.  

You: Say it ain't so, Andy.

Me: It is so, you guys. You heard it here first.

I just can't figure out how the Dillon Panthers fit into all of this. I think we should look into a link between troublesome folksy teenagers and Benghazi.