What Are People Really Whispering About When They Do That Sexy Talk On TV?


At the risk of revealing too much personal information, if you told me to whisper sweet nothings into a girl's ear to win her over, she’d be out the door as soon as I whispered and nervously stuttered, “I, uh … I think you’re, uh, like, really nice.”

If only I had the skills of a sitcom character. When someone whispers into someone’s ear to let them know what they’re going to do them when they get home, the reaction the whisperer gets from the whisper-ee is one of pure excitement. So what exactly are they whispering?

In my mind there are really only two ways to look at it: either people are perverts, or people are prudes.

eHow.com provides a How-To for someone looking to master the skill of whispering sweet nothings. It’s a pretty simple, yet seemingly effective list: Make sure you have good breath, wait for an intimate moment, try to put your feelings into words, and then go on in and whisper into your loved one’s ear. Except for the list fails to tell you what to say, leaving us even more in the dark when it comes to what they’re saying in sitcoms.

There’s one episode of How I Met Your Mother in which Ted brings a girl to the bar. She is extremely attractive, yet also seems to be crazy. This allows Barney to introduce the show’s Hot/Crazy Scale, which explains that a girl needs to be a certain amount of hot depending on how crazy she is.

Ted’s date whispers into his ear at one point and she jumps way up on the hot scale (go to 4:05 of this video for clip and watch the entire clip for an explanation of the Hot/Crazy Scale). It’s the perfect example of: “What did she say to him?”:

HIMYM Special - The Hot/Crazy Scale [3.05] from pride on Vimeo.

The first thought that comes to mind: Man, people are gross. A guy or girl must be saying some S&M stuff or some seriously kinky slang for their crush to have that kind of reaction and the crush must be into bondage or something along those lines as well.

As I wrote earlier, I think that people are either perverts or prudes when it comes to the whisper into the ear conundrum.

The more I think about it, I lean towards prudishness. Just think if a guy whispered something about whips to a girl and terrified her. When whispering, it makes sense to tread carefully. 

The face that Ted Mosby makes when the crazy girl whispers in his ear is exactly the face someone would make if a girl told him she would hook up with him, even if it is in the most bland way possible.

Ever wondered what someone was whispering into a guy or girl's ear during a sitcom? She was saying: “I will make out with you.” The excitement of hooking up with someone is enough to force a grin onto anyone.

Mystery solved.

Once, at a bar in Boston, I saw a guy give a girl a wet willy. True to form, he licked his finger and then stuck it in the girl’s ear. Even though she acted disgusted at first, I later saw the two leave together. While sweet nothings may confuse me, I hope wet willies don’t become the norm. On the bright side, at least I’d know what I was doing.