The original title I had on this article was "North Korea Invades South Korea, After Nuking U.S. Assets in Pacific," but I assume the editors will have undoubtedly altered the title somehow. Additionally, for some background context, and for those who are not familiar with my work or perspective, I am a social liberal, devoutly democratic, and a fervent atheist. So in honor of today, I thought I would share my memories of April Fool's Day, and then suggest some pranks to properly celebrate April Fool's on Facebook and other social media sites.
When I was a child I absolutely loved April Fool's Day. I have always been one for a good joke and one to raise a bit of hell. As such, every year my mother would successfully pull the greatest continuing prank of all. Since I could remember, I was under the impression that April Fool's Day, and the practical joking associated therein, only lasted until 12:00 p.m. noon. This would work perfect for my mother if April 1 happened to fall on a weekend, she would just sleep in. My teachers at school would appreciate this too, as my rambunctious demeanor would mysteriously calm down half way through the school day. I did wise up to this scheme gradually and I would wake my parents up to make use of the time I had left before noon hit. It would not be until my days in middle school when I finally realized that my mother had successfully pulled a fast one on me for over a decade. Needless to say, I have more than made up for the time lost in the years since.
On Facebook, a few good statuses for today would be:
"I really hope Jeb Bush decides to run for president in 2016. I mean his brother George W. was so popular and did such an amazing job leading this country!"
"Homosexuals are perverted sinners who do not deserve to be considered citizens, let alone have marriage equality!"
But beware; people that actually believe these absurd statements might try to add you as their friend.
On Twitter, a few good tweets for today would be:
"Sandy Hook was a Government Conspiracy to take away our guns! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wx9GxXYKx_8 #MakingMeThink"
"Obama is a #Muslim and not an American! #Kenyan #ObamaMuslim"
Again, beware, you might find yourself gaining a new following from people who really believe this conspiracy theory BS.
For my fellow atheists out there, I have a few good statements to throw off your friends. These are the declaration of faiths for the various Abrahamic religious traditions:
— Judaism — "Hear, O Israel! The Lord is our God! The Lord is One!"
— Christianity — "Hallelujah! I accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior. He is risen, Amen."
— Islam — "There is no God but Allah and Muhammad is his Prophet."
People unaware of today's significance might try to further solidify your conversion by inviting you to Mosque this Friday or Church this Sunday.
And for those that actually leave their computers during the day, here are a few more good April Fool's Day prank ideas that extend beyond the realm of social media:
— Watch FOX News and actually try to take what they say seriously. Watching Brian Kilmeade, Gretchen Carlson, Steve Doocy, Bill O'Reilly, or Sean Hannity are sure to provide hours of endless laughs.
— Run up to a random person in public and try striking up a conversation. Acting like they are a long lost friend or insisting that you met at a social event just last weekend are sure to put them in an awkward position.
— Replace the creme in Oreos with circle of soap and then be generous by sharing around lunchtime.
— Continually walk behind someone on campus following him or her as long as you can, and then when they reach their final destination or try to confront you, just keep walking nonchalantly.
The main thing to keep in mind is that today is meant to be a fun day. I am not responsible for bailing you out of jail or covering your legal bills if you get caught. Keep all of your pranks safe and if things do head south, be prepared to apologize or sprint!