How To Celebrate Your Sad Mid-20s Birthday
Chill out, you guys.
There are a lot of things you can change in this life — most notably, your profile pics and, depending on how that goes, diapers — but you can't change your always-accumulating number of trips around the sun. You simply are as old as you are and that's that.
Unless, of course, you're able to harness the negative energy of a black hole, in which case, by all means, change your age via time travel. And stop the Benghazi attack from happening, too. Please.
Assuming you aren't breaking down singularities, I say to you my fellow angsty, Game of Thrones-obsessed 20-somethings, don't be sad about your approaching mid-decade-ish birthday — no matter how sad your life actually is.
Here are a few ways to to circumvent the sadness:
1. Buy a plane ticket to another country
Just do it. Right now. It'll give you something to look forward to. I recommend Swaziland or Iceland, depending on your budget and your penchant for riding in buses with live goats.
2. Try stand-up comedy
Write some jokes, go to a local open-mic night on your birthday, drink exactly three drinks, and then stand up and deliver. It won't matter if you slay or not; what matters is you will have tried it and survived it.
3. Appreciate Facebook
Unless you've made it this far in life with literally zero living friends or family members, someone will wish you happy birthday on Facebook. Appreciate that. Those folks are selflessly and positively recognizing your existence. If this were Twitter, I would hashtag that with "rare."
4. Google your favorite celebs
Because a lot of them are much older than you. Here, I'll get you started: Jon Hamm is 42; Rashida Jones is 37; Beyoncé is 31.
5. All breakfast everything
Waffles in the morning, waffles in the afternoon, waffles in the evening, and French toast before bed.
6. Watch a nostalgic movie
Get the nostalgia out of your system. Pop in The Sandlot or Back to the Future. Embrace the warm, fuzzy and slightly dishonest feelings of yesteryear. Go after the future in the morning.
7. Throw yourself a cheap party
Don't be overly humble and don't be overly self-centric. Just buy a keg of Tecate, invite your closest and close-ish comrades, make some tacos, and watch the Milky Way move in the night sky.