33 Most Ridiculous Charts to Have Ever Graced the Floors Of Congress
There's a lot that is wrong with Congress. There is gridlock and deadlock and all the other kinds of lock that you can think of. Perhaps you've never experienced the singular joy that is CSPAN. Many of us take the free cable programming of our democratically elected congress persons for granted, but it provides us with an invaluable source for finding what just how bad Congress is at its job.
One of the things that members of Congress do the worst is make graphs. You may have come across these graphs during a nightly-news segment. Some person in a suit is standing next to a graph on an easel like it's their third grade science fair project, because even though we now live in the 21st century, we still can't seem to advance beyond poster board.
Thanks to the best C-SPAN employee ever, we can now present you with a compilation of the worst charts ever produced. A Tumblr called "Floor Charts" was created by Bill Gray. Gray has over 800 posts on his Tumblr of the worst pieces of visual representation this country has ever seen. From some of the worst graphic design ever recorded, to just being plain old unreadable, these posters have been a mainstay on the Congressional floor for decades. They will amaze and astound you in their terribleness.
1. "Ritz crackers are needlessly suffering."
Democratic Representative Tim Ryan of Ohio shows us this totally unusable graph.
2. "This is my default Windows XP Screensaver."
Republican senator from Alaska Lisa Murkowski bestowed the universe with this gem.
3. "Make it" in Clip-Art.
This explains everything, thank you Democratic Rep. John Garamendi of California.
4. "We repurposed a group project from 7th grade."
Looks like somebody raided the Congressional marker closet. I hope they put the caps back on.
5. "You can see here, his suit is both ill-fitting and ugly."
Republican Rep. Mark Foley of Florida puts someone on the worst-dressed list.
6. "And it can all be yours for the low price of 20 easy payments of $19.95."
Rep. Christopher Cox (R-Calif.) tries to sell everyone in America this freedom calendar.
7. "Let me explain this to you in terms you will understand."
Democratic Rep. Sherrod Brown of Ohio lays it all out in layman's terms for us.
8. "Because everyone knows Arial font size 72 is the best."
Somewhere, a pregnant women in Texas is squinting to see if she can read this. All because you had to use the default Word Art font, thanks a lot Rep. Phil Gingrey (R-Ga.).
9. "As you can see, I have no idea what I'm doing."
Rep. Phil Gingrey (R-Ga.) strikes again. Get it together Phil.
10. "And here we see Rasputin relaxing."
Sen. Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa) is telling us something here, what it is, we don't know.
11. "Beware any doctor with no face."
Sen. Pat Roberts (R-Kan.) depicts the danger to seniors of seeing a doctor whom does not possess a face or eyes. Let this be a lesson to us all.
12. "And that is how rain is made."
Rep. Shelia Jackson Lee (D-Texas) gives us a valuable lesson in understanding exactly how cloud computing works. Everything should be crystal clear to you all now.
13. "Times New Roman font is the ultimate in greenhouse gas warning typography."
Sen. Sheldon Whitehouse (D-R.I.) believes, like most Americans, that serif fonts send the strongest messages about our nations climate change denial.
14. "It's just like that one Bob Marley song..."
Sen. Dean Heller (R-Nev.) is a master of lyrics that sound vaguely reminiscent of Bob Marley songs.
15. "I found this in the cafeteria this morning."
Sen. Bill Nelson (D-Fla.) is not happy about this, not happy about thisssss at all. (See what I did there?)
16. "I'm so meta right now."
Sen. Sheldon Whitehouse of Rhode Island holds up a sign, with the word sign, as he attempted to explain the movie Inception to members of Congress.
17. "The lies must end, this label isn't even a real label, it's just paper."
Rep. Joseph Crowley (D-N.Y.) is not going to have any more of this Campbell's soup BS. #Realgoldlabelsnow
18. "These are my flashcards."
This flashcard cost the American taxpayers $22 billion dollars.
19. "This is my abstract art of an old Casio watch I had."
Bidding starts at $26.00 do I hear $26.00?
20. "I have 12 of these a day and I swear by them."
Sen. Dick Durbin (D-Ill.) is shilling for 5-hour ENERGY now.
21. "Apparently, I've been doing it all wrong."
Someone didn't read the Congressional handbook on "How to Govern."
22. "Who left this in my cubby hole?"
Rep. Jerry Weller (R-Ill.) is either really curious about who gave this to him or about to make the most obtuse political statement ever.
23. "I can point anywhere, but I still can't audit this poster."
How are we supposed to make our government solvent if we can't even audit this fake book?
24. "I'm going full on metaphysical."
Is too little ever enough? Can too much be too little? What is the purpose of life? Has anyone ever read any Alexander Solzhenitsyn? These are the ponderings of Rep. J.D. Hayworth (R-Ariz.).
25. "No. We are going to play Pictionary right now."
Rep. Rob Woodall (R-Ga.) wants us to imagine a world where members of Congress imagine charts that are well conceived and easily readable.
26. "Um. Who wants to know exactly?"
Sen. Tom Harkin (D-Iowa) asks us a question none of us want the answer to.
27. "I'm going to post this to DeviantArt what do you all think?"
What is happening here? No one knows.
28. "These are all the countries I can't name."
Those blue arrows should be bigger, bigger I say!
29. Dennis Hastert Fanfiction coming soon to Amazon.
Coming this summer to a Kindle near you. The Democrats have been bad, very bad.
30. "It's like 10 times worse than the friend zone."
"I bought the drone dinner and it wouldn't even let me get to first base."
31. "We meet in the Congressional tree house at 12:00pm, bring a sack lunch."
You will have to provide your own spy gear and brown trench coat.
32. "Millions of couches go untested each year."
Sen. Frank Lautenberg (D-N.J.) offers us some startling advice about the nation's deplorable sofa quality assurance situation.
33. "The large bird coup of America is happening."
Don't say that Senator Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa) didn't warn you.