This Poem By a Texas Woman Just Schooled Anti-Choicers Everywhere


As Governor Rick Perry's second special session continued in Texas on Monday night, thousands of people showed up in Austin to testify at the Senate committee hearing for the Senate's incarnation of the omnibus anti-abortion bill, Senate Bill 1.

While pro-SB 1 advocates enjoyed the company of reported non-Texans Mike Huckabee and Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar, SB 1 protesters were regaled by the sight of a familiar face during the hearing: Katie Heim, an Austin resident who closed her testimony at the House committee hearing last Tuesday with the now-iconic, "Hell hath no fury like a Texas woman scorned! Now, bless y'all's hearts."

On Monday night, Heim returned with further proof that she is one of the greatest people ever with her Dr. Seuss-esque poem pointing out the contradictions between the state's pro-gun views and its proposed anti-vagina legislation.

Without further adieu, here is Katie Heim's anti-SB 1 testimony, "If My Vagina Was A Gun" (reprinted with the author's permission):

If my vagina was a gun, you would stand for its rights. You would ride on a bus and fight all the fights.

If my vagina was a gun, you would treat it with care. You wouldn't spill all its secrets, because, well, why go there?

If my vagina was a gun you'd say what it holds is private. From cold dead hands we could pry; you surely would riot.

If my vagina was a gun its rights would all be protected. No matter the body count or the children affected.

If my vagina was a gun I could bypass security. Concealed carry laws would ensure I had purity.

If my vagina was a gun, I wouldn't have to beg you. I could hunt this great land and do all the things that men do.

But my vagina's not a gun. It's a mightier thing. With a voice that rings true, making lawmaker's ears ring.

Vaginas aren't delicate, they are muscular, magic. So stop messing with mine, with legislation that's tragic.

My vagina is here to demand from the source; listen to the voices of thousands or feel their full force.

You can follow the incomparable Katie Heim on Twitter @katieh1022, check out the confusion that ensued as #IfMyVaginaWasAGun trended on Monday night, or catch up on other gems from the Senate committee hearing by reading through the #SB1 hashtag.