Ron Paul is the Hipster Candidate


So I sit next to a hipster every day. He always wears a bowtie … ironically of course. I told him I was including him in my article and he wanted to make sure I note that he hates the beer Pabst Blue Ribbon, especially now that it has a cult following, but of course he drank it years ago and always hated it. And of course he had a Mac computer before it was cool. He is, to no surprise, a die-hard Ron Paul advocate, and this is because he has read all his books, loves Austrian economics, and has volunteered for his campaign. However, what irks me is that the worse Paul seems to be doing – the more my intellectual friend adores him. My theory is that if in some bizarro freak occurrence Ron Paul were to actually win the Republican primary he would most certainly lose the general election because his die-hard followers would consider him a mainstream sell out and abandon ship.

Ron Paul is every hipster’s dream. He hated the Federal Reserve before it was acceptable to hate. He is the “fringe” candidate, the real, authentic knight in shining armor come to stand against the “man” that is establishment Washington. “But he is running as a Republican!” you say. How can any hipster vote Republican?! But that is just it, the quintessential hipster moment. They all identify as libertarian (of course, comfortably on the outskirts of the mainstream) but Paul is the true conservative! He was a Reagan conservative before Reagan! They are not bothered by his inclusion in the Republican Party because he is appropriately and comfortably ignored. The moderators still allow him enough time to mock Gingrich and Santorum during the debates in his garbled speech with snide little comments, which throws the hipsters into a total frenzy. I mean Paul sticks ups for Iran for goodness sake! How “real,” “enlightened,” and “ironic” is that?! And even better he is a veteran so Paulites just shove that in your face whenever the topic comes up. And, he was pro-life before Santorum had the first of his 25 kids because he is a doctor, who delivered a million babies, so somehow even a conservative social issue is just the right kind of controversy to suit our “post-modern” crowd.

The man won the “popular vote” in the Virgin Island’s caucus on Saturday, my god, if that’s not out of the mainstream I don’t know what is, but don’t worry he still didn’t get more delegates than Romney, so he is still safe from any sort of popularity. The hipsters are enraged of course, yet another example of the establishment butting in and ruining everyone’s lives, I mean those 20 people that voted in the Islands need their voices heard!

I don’t want to worry any of my unique friends who all love Ron Paul so much (individually of course, not as a group or band wagon) he will most certainly and completely lose. He is still true and nowhere near mainstream. I know that if he did gain any sort of palpable popularity this would be the end of his authenticity. Just take a look at Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky.) – back in 2010 a very brilliant and very libertarian economist was blogging about how he was “selling out” the day he was elected. He was a sell out before he even took office. The hipster regime can only revere an uncrowned king, so no worries I’m sure they will love him even more in his retirement. When I hear their cries that he is “RON-stoppable!”  I know that means only until he really is and then they will be “over it.” I wonder if Ron Paul is aware…probably, I mean he’s too real to care about that kind of thing (eyeroll).

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