April Fool's Day Fun: President Obama Unveils Plan B for Economy
In a re-election year where President Barack Obama’s job approval on economic performance couldn’t be more dismal, the President held a press conference in Hawaii yesterday to unveil his Plan B for the economy.
Obama reiterated his belief that the reason why the economy hasn’t recovered is not because we spent too much, but because we spent too little. He announced his new spending bill called the “Weak Economy Recovery Double Or Nothing Emergency” Act, or WE R DONE Act, which calls for another $5 trillion worth of new spending.
Among the new spending initiatives in the WE R DONE Act is for another Ener1-type green energy company dedicated to Obama’s algae development idea, called “Algae Startup Investment 9,” or Asi9. The anticipated benefits that Asi9 will deliver are not expected to affect energy prices or consumption rates for another 50 years or so, but as Obama put it, “this is a long-term investment. Just trust me on this.”
Some tax dollars in the WE R DONE Act will go towards Obama’s revamped American Jobs Act, retitled “Only Unions Really Receive Obama’s Attention, Dollars, and Time Over 2012,” or OUR ROAD TO 2012, which the administration is counting on to win re-election. Only unions will be eligible for this stimulus money, automatically disqualifying any job seekers in right-to-work states, in an effort by the administration to push mandatory union participation in all 50 states.
Anticipating an unfavorable decision from the Supreme Court in the outcome of the constitutionality of the Affordable Care Act, Obama is allocating $1 trillion towards a new effort to get a public option passed in the United States. A new committee called the “Public Option Working to Expand and Reinforce Government Regulation And Bureaucracy,” or POWER GRAB Committee, will research, campaign, and endlessly lobby Congress and American voters to convince them government can make better decisions regarding family health care choices than the individual.
“I think the American people will trust me on this too,” Obama added.
But when offering specifics on how the President expected to pay for all this, the details were a little fuzzy. The President acknowledged that increased revenues would be needed for the additional trillions of spending in the WE R DONE Act. After a long awkward pause, the only idea Obama could come up with for the bill’s budget was this:
But despite its questionable benefits, lack of solid funding, and gloomy predictions from most economists across the spectrum (except Paul Krugman, who praised the bill’s goals but thought $5 trillion still isn’t spending enough), rumors are already buzzing of Obama getting yet another Nobel Peace Prize for Economics – without even seeing the effects of the bill yet. When asked for comment, the Nobel Committee stated they were prematurely giving the award to Obama for the bill’s well intentioned efforts and ingenuity.
Regardless of whether the American people will see any job creation, cheaper gas prices, or lower health care costs out of the WE R DONE Act, the academics, establishment, and other elitists of the world have certainly given it their approval. When asked about their support for this measure, Obama replied once again, “It’s simple: because they trust me. Government always makes better choices than the people. That’s what it’s there for … isn’t it?”