This is the Most Insane Coloring Book Of All Time


America's most crusading-y crusader is back!

While you might not have heard quite as much out of renegade "whacko bird" Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) since his October government shutdown (which, by the way, he totally won) caused him to slink back from the national limelight, rest assured, Sen. Cruz is still out there fighting for freedom and liberty and America and stuff. And now the nation's various conservative uncles can teach their kids about this American hero with the help of Really Big Coloring Book's Ted Cruz to the Future™ – Comic Coloring Activity Book, right in time for Christmas.

According to the product description:

"The Cruz to the Future™ book is a non-partisan, fact-driven view of how Texas Sen. Rafael Edward 'Ted' Cruz became a U.S. senator and details, through his quotes and public information his ideas for what he believes will help America grow."

In case you're worried this is just some kind of weird indoctrinal tool for Evangelical Christians who want to raise Republican babies, rest assured: The authors "did not speak directly to Mr. Cruz or his staff, in order to provide a fair objective review on this positive role model and real life superhero." (Not biased!)

See a few page samples courtesy of Really Big Coloring Books below:

Ted Cruz even rolls his sleeves up like your cool dad!

I thought the national motto was "No Shirt, No Shoes, Welcome to Congress!", but this part is actually accurate.

"... Millions of citizens believe Obama Care is worse than any war. At least American soldiers have weapons with which to defend themselves." Oh, okay!

Cruz looks like such a hip jazz cat in that last panel - especially compared to other politicians, who are "far too out of shape, old, or overweight to even perform such a magnificent feat, God bless them all"! Good for him. Bonus points if you can find a child smart enough to know what "clairvoyant precision" means and who is simultaneously interested in a Ted Cruz coloring book.

The company also offers a deluxe line of Tea Party coloring books, which presumably claim that Michele Bachmann can swallow an entire Communist in one gulp, as well as others which fall leftwards on the political spectrum. The Tea Party coloring book is promoted by language like "The Genius of America is how The Tea Party truly reflects, represents and respects its homeland. The Tea Party is widely considered the 'Real American Party'." Company publisher Wayne Bell claims his company has "interviewed thousands of individuals that are within the Tea Party" during their intensive research.

According to Bell, "We're not really making a political statement" with the Tea Party book, which is far outselling their similarly featured Obama booklet:

Bell describes himself as a "very liberal, open-minded guy," by which we can only assume he means very open-minded to the idea of making lots of money by banging the partisan drum on both sides. It must be working, because hey, I'm seriously considering buying one.