R. Kelly Has Officially Out-R. Kellyed Himself


A disclaimer: I enjoy R. Kelly unironically.

This enjoyment has become much harder to sustain having learned, via a recent interview with V Magazine, that Kelly's sequel to his album Black Panties will be called White Panties. And it gets even harder considering he also revealed that he has created a whopping 57 additional chapters for his "hip-hopera," Trapped in the Closet. As R. Kelly explained: "This thing is forever."

A few things to consider. First, Rolling Stone helpfully pointed out that we should take R. Kelly's creative fecundity seriously given his insane improvisational abilities — like the time he sang about needing a towel at Bonnaroo 2013. For six minutes. (Reports from people at the festival confirm that the melody has, indeed, stayed stuck in their mind for almost a year, now.) Second, he confirmed in November of 2012 that "Trapped in the Closet is an alien and I'm the astronaut taking you on a journey," so it definitely seems like he's still serious about this.

Second, considering R. Kelly's penchant for overdrawn concepts (he has written a hip-hopera that is, apparently, infinitely long) it seems logical that White Panties will be the exact opposite of Black Panties.

For the uninitiated, Black Panties was a 17 song-long R&B ode to R. Kelly's love life that began with the track "Legs Shakin'" and ended with the track "Every Position." It pretty much sounded like this promotional photo looks:

Image Credit: Facebook

This means there is very real reason to believe that R. Kelly is about to write a mostly-improvised folk album called White Panties about growing old and struggling with sexual impotence.