Brett Kavanaugh learned there’s no constitutional right to finishing dessert in peace

He was reportedly hustled out the back door of Morton’s Steakhouse in D.C. because protesters had gathered out front.

WASHINGTON, DC - OCTOBER 8 : Associate Justice Brett Kavanaugh listens as President Donald J. Trump ...
The Washington Post/The Washington Post/Getty Images
Originally Published: 

Imagine you’re one of the most powerful people in the country, who has just finished your years-long project of rolling back any number of constitutional protections for people who can bear children, people who breath oxygen, people who don’t want to get shot in the street, and so on. How do you celebrate your well-earned summer break? With a so-so chunk of meat at the Morton’s Steakhouse location in Washington, D.C., of course!

And that, it so happens, is where Supreme Court justice and noted beer-lover Brett Kavanaugh ended up on Wednesday evening, until he chose to bid a not-so-hasty retreat through the back door because protesters — presumably incensed at the fact that this man lied his way into repealing bodily autonomy for a massive portion of this country — had rallied on the sidewalk out front. According to witnesses who spoke with Politico’s Daniel Lippman, the situation was so wild and out of control that Kavanaugh (who apparently couldn’t actually hear the commotion himself) didn’t even have time to finish his dessert! Quelle tragédie!

Now, as a strict originalist, Kavanaugh should know that there is no explicit right to enjoy one of the “legendary sundaes (2230 cal, $19)” or similarly “legendary hot chocolate cake” (1210 cal, $14) or even a simple “double chocolate mousse “(600 cal, $12) at Morton’s currently written in the Constitution. If there were, then hoo boy, we’d have a real scandal on our hands, folks! But, as things currently stand, he — and the court for which he works — have been conspicuously silent on the subject. That hasn’t stopped the legal scholars at Morton’s from weighing in though, as they did in a statement to Politico:

Honorable Supreme Court Justice Kavanaugh and all of our other patrons at the restaurant were unduly harassed by unruly protesters while eating dinner at our Morton’s restaurant. Politics, regardless of your side or views, should not trample the freedom at play of the right to congregate and eat dinner. There is a time and place for everything. Disturbing the dinner of all of our customers was an act of selfishness and void of decency.

Now, considering that Kavanaugh — like the dozens of SCOTUS justices before him — is one of the most powerful, politically untouchable people in the history of the United States, I am not all that concerned about his ability to eat a steak in peace (dessert notwithstanding). If anything, it’s good when immeasurably impactful people are made to face even the faintest hint of consequences for their actions. And for all the conservative hand-wringing and pearl-clutching about civility and intimidation and other scary-sounding words in this case, it’s hard to imagine those same people would have the same reaction if, say, instead of a Supreme Court justice eating a T-bone in a restaurant, it was a scared teen listening to people scream “baby murderer” in her face as she walks into her state’s lone abortion clinic — something that is, the court has ruled, perfectly legit.

If Kavanaugh and his defenders really have a problem with being heckled during dinner, they should wait for Congress to make a law about it. Otherwise, I think he himself would agree: It’s an issue best left to the states.