Conservatives are trying really hard to spin student debt relief as a bad thing

UNITED STATES - APRIL 6: Sen. Mitt Romney, R-Utah, talks with reporters in the U.S. Capitol on Wedne...
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What about rich people who already paid off their loans? What about rich people who never even took out loans???

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On Wednesday, President Biden unveiled his long-awaited plan to address the nation’s astronomical student debt crisis, ending months of speculation as to if and how this administration would alleviate the hundreds of billions of dollars owed by millions of borrowers who just wanted to go to school. The plan, imperfect as it may be, is a significant one that would forgive a limited amount of debt for some borrowers, while cutting the amount and duration and interest of ongoing payments for others.

It is, in other words, a pretty good thing that will help a good chunk of the population in a very real, tangible way.

And so, of course, conservatives are absolutely furious — not about the actual content of the proposal, which would necessitate that they engage with the unpleasant economic realities of education in this country as they pertain to class mobility, health, intergenerational wealth, and a host of other complicated factors. No no, what conservatives seem mostly mad about is (and here it helps if you picture them in onesies, with a big lollipop in their hand, laying flat on the floor kicking and screaming with big soppy tears rolling down their cheeks) how gosh darned unfair it is. Here’s a small sample from around the various murky corners of the right-wing fever swamp:

IDK man, what about Americans who already got polio? What about Americans who already died in World War II? What about Americans who already had toaster strudel for breakfast? What exactly is your point here, Jimbo? This is just basic “the march of time” stuff. Things that happened in the past are different from things that happen in the future. If that’s too complicated for you to wrap your head around, well, I think you’ve got bigger problems than I can help you with. Sorry.

[Takes a long drag off a rich, densely packed cigarette] Socialism, eh? I haven’t heard that name in a long long time ... Just kidding, it’s actually a pretty big red flag that conservatives like Sarah don’t have anything better to complain about than their usual one-size-fits-all bugbear of spooooOoOoOky socialism. You wanna talk socialism? Fine, okay. How about the fact that a lot of colleges here used to be completely free for people, and that in a lot of countries they still are? All Biden’s doing is saying that people should be paying a little less than they already have been. That’s not socialism, that’s just a pre-Labor Day sale.

Awwww, Mitt. I honestly forgot you were even a senator. How’s that going for you? Now, about that “bribe” thing, it wasn’t all that long ago when you were trying to convince the public that your plan to cut taxes (read: people pay less money for things) was worth their vote. Weird how things change huh? Speaking of “weird” and “bribes,” remember how the guy who was president before Biden literally sent cold hard cash to people in the mail, but demanded his name be on the check first so they’d know exactly who it came from? Huh!

All told, the Biden loan forgiveness plan is a pretty good start. But I think what really makes it special is just how well it’s done at making some of the silliest, most un-serious people in politics publicly lose their minds. You can’t put a price tag on that.