"There's only three things he [Rudy Giuliani] needs to make a sentence," then-Vice President Joe Biden famously joked way back in those halcyon days of 2007. "A noun and a verb and 9/11."
That may have been true for a time, but if the former New York City mayor's appearance at his annual Sept. 11 memorial dinner this weekend was any indication, the tried and true "syntax + national tragedy" format has begun to erode of late. This year, Giuliani offered a, shall we say, freewheeling performance that raised the necessary question: Rudy ... are you okay, man?
To be clear, I wouldn't dare speculate on just what Giuliani may or may not have imbibed, ingested, or otherwise internalized before taking the dais Saturday night. It's simply not my place to say. What I can say is that, for whatever reason, Giuliani used the occasion of commemorating his defining political moment to slur his way through an impersonation of the Queen of England (why?), deny hanging out with a credibly accused child molester (why??), threaten a four-star general (why???), and essentially declare war on China (I ask again: WHY???).
Just ... please, watch this. Do yourself a favor, too, and turn the volume down to a reasonable level. Rudy gets, uh, loud.
"How's that guy a general?" Giuliani mused about Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Mark Milley (was he aware he was speaking out loud at the time? Who can say). "Jesus, the other day he said that the Bagram Air Force Base [in Afghanistan] is not strategically important. I wanted to grab his — what's he got, five stars? Ten stars? 12 stars? He has so many stars they're comin' up to his ears. I wanted to grab his stars, shove it [sic] down his throat, and say, 'It's four hundred miles from China, asshole!'"
Wow. Truly a solemn and reflective way to commemorate the attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon building. Rudy, thank you!
Giuliani also put on a faux British accent while pretending to be England's Queen Elizabeth, ostensibly to explain why he turned down knighthood after 9/11 (he didn't) before quickly pivoting to notorious Jeffrey Epstein party pal Prince Andrew, for some absolutely unfathomable reason.
"I know Prince Andrew is very questionable now," Giuliani insisted, with perhaps the understatement of the year.
"I never went out with him. Ever!" he continued. "Never had a drink with him, never was with a woman or young girl with him. Ever, ever, ever." Giuliani then listed two times when, in fact, he had hung out with the alleged child molester.
All told, was this the most damaging, embarrassing, self-aggrandizing moment of Rudy's long and deeply awful career in the public eye? It's hard to say. What's clear, however, is that in his mind, to "never forget" 9/11 means listening to him rant about whatever he wants, for however long he wants. What a hero.