Republicans think being ghosted by the White House is a Deep State conspiracy

We can all agree that it sucks when people don’t return your phone calls. There is nothing pleasant about getting ghosted, or the ensuing dilemma of whether or not to call the person [shudder] a second time or to simply sit and stew over the possibility that they haven’t forgotten to call you back, but are actively avoiding you and your terrible personality because of that one time you forgot it was their mother’s cat’s birthday, or because you accidentally took their can of Coke from the office fridge, or any other insignificant slight that gets magnified in the wake of the fact that they still. haven’t. returned. your. call. The mind reels at the possibilities.

My point here is that I get it. I know getting ghosted can be frustrating and dispiriting and annoying and a bummer. But what I also know is that getting ghosted is not a Deep State conspiracy from a cabal of shadowy puppet masters trying to keep you from some hidden truth about who really runs this country. I know this because I’m not an insane person, nor am I an opportunist ghoul trying to cast ridiculous aspersions on my political opponents. Which is to say: I’m not Sens. Ted Cruz or Ron Johnson.

Here, for instance, is Wisconsin’s Johnson — arguably the most dyed-in-the-wool MAGA senator in office today — claiming that former CIA director Gina Haspel (appointed by Donald Trump!) is actually a Deep State operative working to protect President Biden’s family.

I like to imagine Haspel sitting in her home, singing along to the part of No Doubt’s “Spiderwebs” about screening phone calls, as she ignores another frantic “WHY WON’T YOU PICK UP???” text from Johnson.

But Johnson’s not alone in this ghosting=Deep State kick. Joining him is fellow seditionist Cruz, the most disliked man in the entire United States Senate, who claimed this week that the mere fact he hadn’t personally spoken with Biden in a while probably means the president is just a puppet being jerked around by the real powers that be in this country. Or something. Honestly, I dunno. Just watch:

Part of this likely stems from the doubly strong impulse among both members of the Senate, and Republican men in particular, to assume that the world revolves entirely around them, and any evidence to the contrary must by definition be a carefully constructed plot.

Still, if nothing else, we should take a moment to admire the enthusiastic hubris it takes for these two ostensibly important adults to get on national television and proclaim loudly that no one is calling them back. Nice work, fellas. What a bummer.