Swiping left on this one.

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Time To Log Off
The Right Stuff wants to be Hinge for the unhinged right

Time to Log Off is a weekly series documenting the many ways our political figures show their whole asses online.

There are already so many different dating sites and apps out there — ones that slice the population by profession or religion or sexual preference or tax bracket — that I’m not entirely sure why the world needs another one. I suppose that’s capitalism and the marketplace of ideas, or something. Which is probably why the conservative brain trust of Kayleigh McEnany’s sister Ryann, white nationalist-linked billionaire donor Peter Thiel, and a gaggle of former Trump White House staffers are so keen on shoehorning their own beige dating site into that already overcrowded field.

Dubbed The Right Stuff, the new platform bills itself as an antidote to “years of bad dates and wasted time with people that don’t see the world our way: the right way.” Get it? Because they’re right-wing, but also are convinced that theirs is the only correct way to live.

Based on the short promotional video released Wednesday, the app itself seems fairly unremarkable in terms of what it actually does. You fill out a profile, people check you out, you check people out, and then if you both like one another, you go on a date. Pretty standard, really. The Right Stuff also operates kind of like a cross between an MLM and college sports bar: Ladies never pay for premium access (the even righter stuff?) so long as they invite a few of their other lady friends to join the app, first. And I do mean “ladies” here because, as McEnany goes out of her way to boast, The Right Stuff only allows “two options: ladies and gentlemen.” Later in the ad, she reiterates, “No pronouns necessary.”

In terms of what you can put in your profile, well, the video doesn’t get too specific, although a quick glance at the screenshots used in the ad shows two key metrics: distance from you, and distance from the ground. I’m not sure how useful this really is when it comes to identifying the love of your life, but The Right Stuff absolutely has your back if you’re trying to calculate a hypotenuse.

Considering how unsubtle the eugenics-focused strain of modern conservatism already is, the introduction of an app for the “right” people might seem plenty disquieting in and of itself. There’s also the fact that if a horny right-winger really wants to find a date, there are already a bunch of conservative dating platforms for them to use, even before The Right Stuff’s scheduled September launch. Aside from its slick marketing and big names attached, it’s unclear whether The Right Stuff (incidentally, also the name of an overtly neo-Nazi website) offers users anything they couldn’t already find elsewhere.

I suppose we’ll have to wait until September to find out. And if the app ends up being a dud, conservatives can always find a potential mate the old fashioned way: by logging off and going to a Trump rally.