Tucker Carlson thinks Cardi B’s “W.A.P.” triggered the downfall of American society

Nearly two years later, the Fox News host is still upset by the certified banger.

WASHINGTON, DC - MARCH 29: Fox News host Tucker Carlson discusses 'Populism and the Right' during th...
Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Cardi B is an accomplished rapper, TV star, and social media phenom. But of all her many significant achievements, none is quite as impressive as her ability to make the weirdest, whiniest, most unapologetically self-absorbed conservative bros absolutely lose their shit over the simple fact that she exists. And nowhere has that ability been refined and distilled into its purest, most potent form than in the wake of “W.A.P.”, her astronomically raunchy and criminally catchy hit single with fellow rapper Megan Thee Stallion.

Cardi’s “W.A.P.” has become a career-defining anthem and ode to female sexual empowerment with such staying power that Fox News ghoul Tucker Carlson couldn’t help but rant and rave about it in this, the year 2022, nearly two years after its release, during his Tuesday evening broadcast.

“So you’re a fuddy-duddy if you note that American culture is becoming, like, not really culture anymore,” Carlson declared. “It’s like a lot of growling and sexless talking about sex,” he continued, either unaware or uncaring about what a self-own that actually is, considering the song’s actual lyrics.

“And if you think it’s an overstatement, check out this song from someone calling herself Cardi B,” Carlson added, glibly dismissing a woman with more awards and world records than he has racist conspiracy theories (which is to say: a whole lot) before playing a brief segment of “W.A.P.” for his viewers.

“So, you watch something like that and probably your first thought was, ‘Man, I want my kids, my little kids, to get a lot more of Cardi B,’” Carlson resumed sarcastically after the video clip ended. “Like, how can they experience Cardi B and the Cardi B lifestyle because obviously that’s not bad for them or anything. They’re not going to wind up in rehab or as hookers. Well, Nickelodeon has an answer for you: They’re going to put her on TV. Cardi B is about to entertain millions of children, probably when you’re not home.”

This, it seems, is the crux of Carlson’s renewed fixation with Cardi and her W.A.P. — that one of the most successful, famous entertainers of all time is going to be lending her voice to her daughter’s favorite Nickelodeon cartoon. That’s it. That’s the whole entire “controversy,” if you even want to call it that.

To make Carlson’s anger even more pathetically shallow is the fact that he’s been beating this particular drum for a year and a half at this point — basically since “W.A.P.” was first released:

So there you have it: One of most powerful cable newscasters on Earth is so flummoxed by the mere existence of Wet Ass Pussy that he’s spent the past 19 months making it an issue of national importance. Cardi, meanwhile, gets to entertain her daughter, cash a nice fat check, and enjoy some free publicity, too, thanks to Tucker. Not bad at all.