Attention rich white women: You’re cordially invited to sail with Goop

NEW YORK, NEW YORK - FEBRUARY 03: Gwyneth Paltrow hosts a panel discussion at the JVP International ...
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At this point Goop, the Gwynth Platrow-helmed beacon of wealth and wellness, is as infamous as it is engrained in society. You can pretty much use "Goop" as an umbrella reference for all things white women's wellness (or www), i.e. "she's gooping right now," instead of "she's at her kundalini retreat in the Baltics." And despite the collective eye roll, Goop thrives, and continues to spread information and disinformation alike to help women "thrive" themselves. And now the Goop devotees — the women who wake up, dry brush, knock back $65 in supplements, scrawl "I am living my best life" in lipstick across the bathroom mirror, and then do 33 (Jesus number, duh) nude sun salutations on a bespoke nude sun salutation mat — can all gather on the open seas. Goop is setting sail with Celebrity Cruises this fall.

It's not that there's anything necessarily "wrong" with Goop-themed cruises, but it just seems like a dystopian, hunger gamesian continuation on the theme of wealth disparity within the wellness community. Like many luxuries, "wellness" — the glossy idea that is a constant re-centering principle of white girl bossness — is often not as accessible, nor marketed towards lower income women or women of color. Creating a wellness cruise is a sure to be lucrative, but still a lateral move for a company that has long been criticized for promoting classist and misinformed wellness practices.

But Gwyneth Paltrow doesn't seem to care. After being highly scrutinized in 2018 for promoting vagina steaming as a way to balance hormones (it doesn't) she came out and directly said that she just wanted to continue to profit from the controversy, telling The New York Times, "I can monetize those eyeballs." She also admitted that the reason a Goop magazine deal with Conde Nast fell apart is because the publishing conglomerate wanted all of the articles to be fact-checked. And yet now she is a "wellness advisor" at Celebrity Cruises, helming the project to put Goop-approved instructors in wellness, nutrition and fitness on four ships setting sail this fall. According to a press release, the goal is to address the "emotional, physical and spiritual needs of today's modern traveler." Sounds like god's work.

Goop was reported in May to be worth $250 million by CEO magazine, and it seems like it only stand to continues to profit and grow. Its 2019 Netflix show, The Goop Lab With Gwyneth Paltrow, that featured the staff going on a Jamaican mushroom retreat, getting pricey facial procedures and even visiting Wim Hof himself, seemed ripe to be mocked — but people ate it up. White women seem to be impervious to criticism when it's at the benefit of their “betterment." Because Goop-style wellness stuff has been ridiculed to hell and back, but it just keeps flourishing and escalating — and Goop-themed cruises certainly feel like the pinnacle of the whole women’s wellness black hole.