More assholes on airplanes should be duct taped to their seats


We’re a little over halfway through 2021, and Tuesday morning offered an immediate contender for one of the most viral quotes of the year. “My parents are worth more than fucking two million goddamn dollars!” a 22-year old Max Berry shouted while reaching across his three-seat row of a Frontier flight. Airplane freakouts are becoming, if not a hallmark of American culture, then at least a favorite hobby for disgruntled white people the nation over — and this recent flight between Philadelphia and Miami seemed to encapsulate an entire villain’s journey in one perfectly edited minute.

It begins with the young man, with his mask pulled down and inexplicably shouting to the entire airplane, “You guys fucking suck!” before uttering his immediately infamous line. The video cuts to Berry berating airline staff and eventually punching another, before another glorious final cut shows his body literally being duct-taped many times over around his seat like a scene straight out of a slapstick heist movie. The cabin of the plane at this point is dark, but Berry is spotlit by camera lights from passengers’ phones like great beams of shame. As a chef’s kiss, the video ends with the flight attendant gingerly adjusting, almost as a loving gesture, the duct-tape that has sealed Berry’s mouth shut.

Worse yet, according to a reporter for ABC, before the video begins, Berry had apparently groped two flight attendants. In light of this, the extreme measure of subduing Berry immediately feels like the most cathartic manifestation of what we wish we could all do to all privileged, outraged people. The action, though, did not come without consequence: Frontier has apparently suspended staff who were responsible for taping up Berry. Many online seemed angered by the apparent punishment, although the response from Frontier is likely a pre-emptive move to protect the airline (and perhaps the staff itself) from legal action. After all, Berry’s full-pocketed parents will likely not take kindly to what has been done to their son.

Regardless, the moment is viscerally satisfying, particularly the act of literally taping shut the mouth of someone who seems too eager to bellow about his parents’ estate. Let’s be clear: $2 million is no measly sum. But the notion of whipping out such a specific figure like a protective shield is cringingly hilarious when it is ultimately several degrees of separation away from true fuck-you-money. What’s more, as some noted online, is his family even worth $2 million if he is flying Frontier, an airline whose literal tagline is “Low Fares Done Right”?

Most videos like these induce outrage and incredulity, but so rare do they provide as swift and appropriate justice as one like this. Not to mention blessed renditions of an already iconic line. Enjoy: