America's Real President Michelle Obama Confirms She Won't Actually Run for President
She's been running the country for almost eight years, but first lady Michelle Obama crushed all hope for America's future on Thursday with the obvious concession that she's too smart to actually run for president:
Actually her words were, "I will not run for president ... and here's one of the reasons why, because I've got these two young people at home" — referring to her and the president's two teenage daughters, Malia and Sasha.
But aside from not wanting her kids to suffer the ordeal of being DOTUS all over again, Obama's other point — that "you don't have to be president of the United States to do wonderful, marvelous things" — resonated with her audience at South by Southwest, where she gave a keynote address this week.
Obama has proven remarkably popular over the course of her husband's presidency. The former lawyer and hospital administrator has won praise for her advocacy around children's health, and became a role model and fashion icon for women across the nation.
Now, with America's "BO$$" lady officially out of the picture, we're stuck with a shrinking clown car of Republican presidential candidates, which includes a suspected Zodiac killer and a virulently racist reality TV star, plus Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders.
God helps us all.