NFL Draft 2013: The Needs For All 32 Teams in Rhyme


Ah, the NFL draft, that special time of year when we get to see men who could stand as prototypes for the future of our species reduced to third and fourth-round picks. For the serious football fan, few events are as captivating as this battle between the brains that run the league. Where the gridiron has big hits and big plays, the draft has closed-door strategy and wheeling and even dealing, the wisdom of which will not be clear for years. It's a niche thing.

I wrote haikus for the baseball offseason, so for the draft, I upped my game to limericks. Nothing screams NFL success like AABBA poetry. Here are the draft needs of all 32 NFL teams:



Their defense is downright offensive / their needs on that side are extensive

They need a Drew Brees / who lines up on D

But preferably not as expensive


The offensive line is behooved / by a QB who knows he can move

Until this team rates / with the Falcons and Saints

They have a long way to improve


John Abraham's headed elsewhere / Now Osi needs someone to pair

A catching tight end / would continue the trend

Begun by the guy who's still there


A tight end could help out the kid / who last season hit on the skids

With VJax and Martin / and now Revis starting

Can this team do what it once did?



A lineman is right in the cards / A tackle, a center, or guards

They are a health hazard / to any poor bastard

Who drops back and ends up in shards


They're one of the league's finest teams / and may trade up to the mid-teens

When Justin Smith goes / they'll need a new Nose

So why not snag one who's elite?


They don't have a pick in the first / with this group that's hardly a curse

They found a QB / by luck in round three

They're stacked as it is, at the worst


They need someone else to catch passes / since Danny went to greener grasses

Could use an O-line / to give Sammy time

We all know he's slow as molasses



The start of the Trestman regime / has Cutler the face of the team

He needs time to throw / without taking a blow

So teammates don't have to hear screams


Ndamukong Suh the aggressor / cannot get his D-line together

An end who makes plays / knows how to behave,

And maybe can generate pressure.


A relic built mainly to run / They'll pick twice in round number one

Linebacker no doubt / Maybe a wideout

To join century 21


Their defense has struggled of late / since Collins, no safety's been great

Though still a contender / they'll draft a defender

They don't splurge, they just cultivate



They had a great offensive line / that time has brought into decline

New blood in the fold / is better than gold

If Eli continues to shine


They once were the NFL's diva / And now Michael Vick has amnesia

Receivers are speedy / But O-line is bleed-y

They really should draft anesthesia


DeMarcus the only good player / He leads a group needing repair

Both O and the D / those lines need to see

Some talent if they have a prayer


DeAngelo Hall is re-signed / his partner they still need to find

The secondary / now is primary

Their offense is already primed



Where do you start with this team / what position could start to redeem

A defense that's soft / a coach who seems lost

And an offense that makes you turn green


This year they have only five picks / will they trade and try to make six?

Tom Brady's depressed / they let go of Wes

But defense is due for a fix


Mario, Stevie, and Spiller / and after that no one is stellar

They need a QB / say, Ryan Nassib?

If they plan on leaving the cellar


There's no more Jake Long to protect / and Tannehill's still a project

It's hard to come by / skill on the blind side

But that's what they'll try to select



A pass rush is probably wise / but running back would be a prize

Their time hasn't come / but though they are young

In this league the time really flies


Gabbert should play one more season / and that is for only one reason

No prospect's a find / so let him stay signed

Last chance to not play like excretion.


Houston's in the conversation / for the greatest team in the nation

Whoever they draft / you'd have to be daft

To alter their basic foundation


They're not great at any position / so don't rule out any addition

An impressive D?  / We'd likelier see

A Kenny Britt courtroom admission



They're one of the worst in the league / at every position a need

A good running back / and that's about that

A safety or maybe CB


A line as offensive as Raffi / A quarterback who's getting sloppy

Protecting his ass / so he can then pass

With that move that looks like karate


Elvis has just left the building / But there's not a need for rebuilding

The One under center / and all-Pro defenders

A lily that only needs gilding


New coach is taking the reins / he waddles like he's wearing chains

The defensive line / is porous at times

Put Andy Reid into the games.



A once vaunted defense is aging / James Harrison no longer raging

And Ben isn't young / Replacement will come

Hope this guy is less into "dating"


Two promising young guns on board / A defensive tiger that roared

A safety maybe / the roster is deep

A playoff team not to ignore


They gambled when they drafted Weeden / And all that they've gotten is beaten

It's par for the course / their fans have the chore

Of watching another full season


A Super Bowl victor they've been / a team of youth and journeymen

A talented coach, cerebral approach

So they can do nothing and win.