NFL Draft 2013: The Needs For All 32 Teams in Rhyme
Ah, the NFL draft, that special time of year when we get to see men who could stand as prototypes for the future of our species reduced to third and fourth-round picks. For the serious football fan, few events are as captivating as this battle between the brains that run the league. Where the gridiron has big hits and big plays, the draft has closed-door strategy and wheeling and even dealing, the wisdom of which will not be clear for years. It's a niche thing.
I wrote haikus for the baseball offseason, so for the draft, I upped my game to limericks. Nothing screams NFL success like AABBA poetry. Here are the draft needs of all 32 NFL teams:
NFC SOUTH
Saints:
Their defense is downright offensive / their needs on that side are extensive
They need a Drew Brees / who lines up on D
But preferably not as expensive
Panthers:
The offensive line is behooved / by a QB who knows he can move
Until this team rates / with the Falcons and Saints
They have a long way to improve
Falcons:
John Abraham's headed elsewhere / Now Osi needs someone to pair
A catching tight end / would continue the trend
Begun by the guy who's still there
Buccaneers:
A tight end could help out the kid / who last season hit on the skids
With VJax and Martin / and now Revis starting
Can this team do what it once did?
NFC WEST
Cardinals:
A lineman is right in the cards / A tackle, a center, or guards
They are a health hazard / to any poor bastard
Who drops back and ends up in shards
49ers:
They're one of the league's finest teams / and may trade up to the mid-teens
When Justin Smith goes / they'll need a new Nose
So why not snag one who's elite?
Seahawks:
They don't have a pick in the first / with this group that's hardly a curse
They found a QB / by luck in round three
They're stacked as it is, at the worst
Rams:
They need someone else to catch passes / since Danny went to greener grasses
Could use an O-line / to give Sammy time
We all know he's slow as molasses
NFC NORTH
Bears:
The start of the Trestman regime / has Cutler the face of the team
He needs time to throw / without taking a blow
So teammates don't have to hear screams
Lions:
Ndamukong Suh the aggressor / cannot get his D-line together
An end who makes plays / knows how to behave,
And maybe can generate pressure.
Vikings:
A relic built mainly to run / They'll pick twice in round number one
Linebacker no doubt / Maybe a wideout
To join century 21
Packers:
Their defense has struggled of late / since Collins, no safety's been great
Though still a contender / they'll draft a defender
They don't splurge, they just cultivate
NFC EAST
Giants:
They had a great offensive line / that time has brought into decline
New blood in the fold / is better than gold
If Eli continues to shine
Eagles:
They once were the NFL's diva / And now Michael Vick has amnesia
Receivers are speedy / But O-line is bleed-y
They really should draft anesthesia
Cowboys:
DeMarcus the only good player / He leads a group needing repair
Both O and the D / those lines need to see
Some talent if they have a prayer
Redskins:
DeAngelo Hall is re-signed / his partner they still need to find
The secondary / now is primary
Their offense is already primed
AFC EAST
Jets:
Where do you start with this team / what position could start to redeem
A defense that's soft / a coach who seems lost
And an offense that makes you turn green
Patriots:
This year they have only five picks / will they trade and try to make six?
Tom Brady's depressed / they let go of Wes
But defense is due for a fix
Bills:
Mario, Stevie, and Spiller / and after that no one is stellar
They need a QB / say, Ryan Nassib?
If they plan on leaving the cellar
Dolphins:
There's no more Jake Long to protect / and Tannehill's still a project
It's hard to come by / skill on the blind side
But that's what they'll try to select
AFC SOUTH
Colts:
A pass rush is probably wise / but running back would be a prize
Their time hasn't come / but though they are young
In this league the time really flies
Jaguars:
Gabbert should play one more season / and that is for only one reason
No prospect's a find / so let him stay signed
Last chance to not play like excretion.
Texans:
Houston's in the conversation / for the greatest team in the nation
Whoever they draft / you'd have to be daft
To alter their basic foundation
Titans:
They're not great at any position / so don't rule out any addition
An impressive D? / We'd likelier see
A Kenny Britt courtroom admission
AFC WEST
Raiders:
They're one of the worst in the league / at every position a need
A good running back / and that's about that
A safety or maybe CB
Chargers:
A line as offensive as Raffi / A quarterback who's getting sloppy
Protecting his ass / so he can then pass
With that move that looks like karate
Broncos:
Elvis has just left the building / But there's not a need for rebuilding
The One under center / and all-Pro defenders
A lily that only needs gilding
Chiefs:
New coach is taking the reins / he waddles like he's wearing chains
The defensive line / is porous at times
Put Andy Reid into the games.
AFC NORTH
Steelers:
A once vaunted defense is aging / James Harrison no longer raging
And Ben isn't young / Replacement will come
Hope this guy is less into "dating"
Bengals:
Two promising young guns on board / A defensive tiger that roared
A safety maybe / the roster is deep
A playoff team not to ignore
Browns:
They gambled when they drafted Weeden / And all that they've gotten is beaten
It's par for the course / their fans have the chore
Of watching another full season
Ravens:
A Super Bowl victor they've been / a team of youth and journeymen
A talented coach, cerebral approach
So they can do nothing and win.