Dear New Yorkers: No Naked Photos Online? Please Run For Mayor


By my own admission, I have not been a New Yorker for very long. I moved here in mid-October of last year, and this is my first full election cycle in the state. I'm an upstater but much like everyone else I've been drawn to the perpetual dumpster fire that is disgraced former Congressman Anthony Weiner's race to be New York City's mayor. We all remember when the late Andrew Breitbart took down Weiner following his initial sexting spree. Now we know that Anthony Weiner has sexted others before and after his resignation in 2011 under the name Carlos Danger. I'm putting a wanted ad out for a new front-runner to lead one of America's most prestigious cities, and I'm setting the bar really high in the qualifications.  

Not only should your junk not be found with SafeSearch turned off on Google Images, but you also have to think that sexting as a public figure is not okay. Now I recognize that these standards will disqualify some from leading the Big Apple, but doesn't the city deserve some mystery surrounding its mayor?

With over 8 million people calling New York City home, let's say conservatively 10% of them have their privates somewhere on the internet. That still leaves 7.2 million New Yorkers that are more qualified to hold public office than Anthony Weiner. Let's just break down some potential candidates that could respond to my wanted ad.  

One idea is The Naked Cowboy. Yes, a  man who promises to bare it all in Times Square all day everyday has left more to the imagination than the man who flashed into the race and was running away with it until Carlos Danger flew too close to the sun.  

We have Nanny Bloomberg, who for all his faults has never posted a naked photo of himself online. I have seen an image of him with Governor Cuomo looking ridiculous before the Adirondack Challenge, as seen (fully clothed) here.   

I may be too new to New York to truly understand what goes on here, and especially what goes on Downstate. I'm a simple man, and I hold elected officials to obscenely high standards. I'm not going to apologize for what I'm looking for in the mayor of the city Frank Sinatra used to sing about. I want a highly qualified candidate, and one that I know understands that the internet is forever. The ball is in your court, New York City.  Will any of the 7.2 million of you that I assume are eligible to replace Anthony Weiner step forward, or will Carlos Danger be making decisions for you next year?