Guess What All Those "Non-Essential" Feds Did the Last Two Weeks


While state employees like myself were pouring some out for our homies on the federal payroll, they were feet up halfway through a LOST marathon.

During the 16 days that 800,000 government workers were furloughed, Netflix saw a 15% spike in total activity in the Greater D.C. area during weekdays. Netflix literally has everything a government worker would need during a shutdown. Comedies, sitcoms, romance, and drama all at your fingertips. How many times can you watch the 10 a.m. SportsCenter in a row? Sadly, The Price Is Right is only one hour long, so are you going to be subjected to daytime television all day everyday with no end in site? 

No. This is America. This is Netflix. And by God it is beautiful. The site offers everything to suit any mood for the furloughed workers. 

The "non-essential" label have you feeling down? Well Netflix says "Cheer up, bucco," the best way it knows how. You know who else was told they weren't good enough? A young man from Greenbow, Alabama named Forrest, Forrest Gump. Forrest met Presidents Kennedy and Johnson, played football for the legendary Bear Bryant, was a captain of a shrimpin' boat, and served in Vietnam. Remember when you're upset at the federal government, "Stupid is as stupid does."

Getting the shakes from being away from your cubicle and the sweet, sweet smells of bureaucratic paperwork? Or do you just miss the one guy who spills coffee on himself daily? Well lucky for you Parks & Recreation is on Netflix too. If you're lucky, Ron Swanson may just give you the motivation to see the error of your ways and get you to interview for a private-sector job. If the Ron Swanson Pyramid of Greatness isn't for you, then maybe you see more of yourself in Leslie Knope? Either way this is a great time to catch up as the next season has recently started.

Are you a DEA agent down on your luck? Use this time to study up and learn the habits of Weeds protagonist Nancy Botwin as she shops marijuana to a high-end community. You're getting paid anyways. You might as well hone your skills. I mean, what do you think everyone else did? They sat around and watched Breaking Bad and Expendables 2. This is your chance to move up! Use it!