Cat Owners Rejoice! There's Finally a Way For Your Cats to Drink With You
Would you purchase wine for your cat? Me neither, but apparently somebody has been clamoring for it.
Nyan Nyan Nouveau is a non-alcoholic wine for cats produced by B&H Lifes. B&H Lifes also produced non-alcoholic beer, wine, and sake for dogs, but this cat wine was specifically created because of requests from cat owners. Now, my problem with this isn't that you're paying roughly $4 for wine that your cat only has a 10% chance of even tasting. It's not even that people spend an absolutely absurd amount of money on things their pets never use. It's two-fold: Number one, who is a cat to think that it's better than $4 wine? Number two, anybody think a dog would be that ungrateful?
As a man who appreciates the finer beers in life (read: Coors Light), I'm offended that cats who haven't been introduced to wine previously would have the audacity to turn down a free drink. I'm sorry that Fancy Feast hasn't made its own brand of wine yet. I can't help that. I had this flown here from Asia. What, an exotic wine isn't good enough for you just because it costs four dollars? How much do you think a mouse costs? Nothing! It snuck into the house!
Now, it's no secret I'm on Team Dogs one hundred percent. I'm almost completely shut off toward debate on this issue. Anybody think a dog would turn up its nose at free wine? No. Dogs chew the same rope toy a thousand times and act like it's something new every single time. Dogs eat and drink literally everything. They don't care if it's new or old, they just want attention. Old tennis ball from the one time you tried to learn tennis, but realized how much running was involved and quit? They love it. Why do you think B&H sold wine, beer, and sake for dogs? The dogs actually consumed it. It was a worthwhile purchase.
Step it up, cats. Times are rough. Accept your gift with quiet dignity.