In what amounts to, essentially, a very angry rant, Baldwin reveals his own candid thoughts and feelings about pretty much everything. Here are the 11 most outrageous revelations:
1. Alec Baldwin is TOTALLY not homophobic.
Throughout the article, Baldwin continually refers to his reputation as a homophobe. He recants this with little evidence beyond repeating, "I'm not a homophobic person at all," before admitting he didn't know "toxic little queen" is a homophobic statement. Baldwin also harshly refutes that he ever used the slur "faggot," but blindly offers that he did say "cocksucker," apparently not realizing that this, too, is a slur.
2. Baldwin gave $15 million from his Capital One commercials to charity.
Following the scandal when TMZ had a video of Baldwin allegedly saying "faggot," he knew he had to fix up his image and make sure everyone knew he was a good guy. All of the money that Baldwin made from Capital One commercials — a staggering $14.125 million after taxes — subsequently went to charities.
3. He really, really hates Anderson Cooper.
Anderson Cooper is mentioned four times in Baldwin's rant, each time disparagingly. First, he is called part of "the Gay Department of Justice," and next "The self-appointed Jack Valenti of gay media culture."
But don't forget — Baldwin's not homophobic!
4. Baldwin got Shia LaBeouf fired from Broadway.
Last year, Baldwin began working on a Broadway show, Orphans. It was originally supposed to star him and Shia LaBeouf — until they began butting heads pretty seriously.
Baldwin allegedly offered to quit, but instead the company fired LaBeouf. At the time, Baldwin said LaBeouf was your typical entitled young celebrity. But he ends his recent rant, curiously, by remarking on his sympathy for the young actor. Maybe because they're both having similarly public meltdowns.
5. He thinks Rachel Maddow is a "phony."
Before making his own short-lived MSNBC show, Baldwin did some research on Maddow's show. In his initial viewing of the channel, he saw Maddow as "the ultimate wonk/dweeb." Later, after he was fired from the network, people told Baldwin that it was Maddow who insisted he be cut, as Phil Griffin, president of MSNBC, "will do whatever Rachel tells him to do."
While Baldwin says Maddow is "quite good at what she does," he also notes, "She's a phony who doesn't have the same passion for the truth off-camera that she seems to have on the air." Just another person who doesn't get him.
6. He's pretty sure America is "fucked up."
Baldwin takes a moment to discuss what he sees as the downfall of American culture and character. He believes that the country is now full of invasive and judgmental people with no regard for anything beyond themselves and popularity. "America's more fucked up now than it's ever been," he said before moving on to briefly discuss the economy.
7. He wanted to run for office.
In a fascinating paragraph, Baldwin details his former ambition to one day run for office. He had many ideas for what he would do, including changing the tax system and decentralizing schools. But, naturally, amid these public policy changes for education and funding, he would also "change the paparazzi law."
8. He used charity to make up for lack of home life.
"I did not have a happy family life a few years ago," Baldwin says in perhaps the understatement of the year. To make up for not having "a family to go home to," he instead "was out there cutting every ribbon and running around New York hosting events for different causes."
It's actually a brief moment of real humanity in what is otherwise a totally maddening essay.
9. He knows paparazzi make his wife slip and fall.
Alec Baldwin discussed the TMZ videographer who caught him allegedly using gay slurs. However, Baldwin claims, that particular paparazzo regularly followed Baldwin and his family around, going so far as to chase his wife. When she slipped and fell, the videographer laughed and called out, "See what I made you do?"
10. He is done with New York.
Baldwin is, perhaps, one of the most New York-centric actors that the city can claim. After having appeared in Rockefeller Center for six-and-a-half years on 30 Rock and having campaigned for NYC politics, he has become synonymous with the city. But no longer.
New York, like America, has changed and become a much worse place. "I just can’t live in New York anymore," he says, explaining that too much of living in the city entails being outside in the public eye. Now he craves the privacy of LA, "a place where you live behind a gate, you get in a car, your interaction with the public is minimal."
11. "This is the last time I’m going to talk about my personal life in an American publication ever again."
Alec Baldwin has had it with giving his life to the public, he says in an extremely public article. This comes a little under a year since the interview where he told a magazine that it was "one of the last interviews I ever do." But this time he's super serious.