Bromarriage: The GOP's Best Strategy


Praise Lord Gaga, gay marriage has been made legal in New York City. 

With the passing of this law, the GOP will be sure to turn it into a hot button issue for the upcoming presidential primaries. Evangelical feminist and (somehow) early frontrunner for the Republican nomination Rep. Michelle Bachmann has made her stance. She wants a Constitutional amendment to ban it and on some strange level I share her concern. 

Though I have always been an ambivalent supporter of the, "It's not cheating if it's your dog" school of thought, where will it end if we legally allow hot dogs to marry hot dogs, and buns to marry buns? WHERE WILL I PUT MY KETCHUP? And don't even get me started on relish. Up will be down, down will be up, Arby's will be appetizing, and I WILL NOT EAT AT ARBYS DAMNIT. But seriously, I don't think we need to worry that gay marriage will lead me to play Sade and light candles with my puggle. The GOP would do well to embrace this movement, the new friends with benefits, when bromance meets marriage, you get the bromarriage.

My roommates are investment bankers, and they have excellent benefits. But being men in their mid-20’s with lots of disposable income leads to questionable lifestyle choices. I'm not saying they're going to die before me, but they are going to die before me. 

We're already friends, but I want to be a friend with benefits, namely medical, dental, and otherwise. This law opens up an awesome new arena for marriages of convenience. How much easier would Joey's life had been on friends if he could've used Chandler’s primary care physician when he was still a struggling actor. Traditional marriage only works half of the time anyway, so why shouldn't we ease the blow of the sagging economy by allowing us to marry our gainfully employed friends.

In addition to its economic benefits, allowing people of the same sex to marry cuts down on reproduction, which in turn slows the overpopulation of the nation, and thus cuts consumption of resources AND dependence on foreign oil. Gay marriage is green marriage. 

Economic Recovery? Check. Civil Rights? Check. Environmental Sustainability? Check. End of war(s) in the Middle East? Check. Wow, the more you look at the topic I think Bromarriage may just save this country from its trillion dollar deficit, and possibly cure world hunger. Come on GOP, get on board. Or you can always have Ms. Bachmann make good on her promise to invoke the spirit of John Wayne (Gacey) and kill everyone off. Those of us willing to get into cars with strangers. Strangers with benefits at least. 

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