Madison Cawthorn is the worst kind of wife guy

UNITED STATES - April 21: Rep. Madison Cawthorn, R-N.C., holds up a copy of the Max Pressure Act bil...
Caroline Brehman/CQ-Roll Call, Inc./Getty Images

North Carolina Republican Rep. Madison Cawthorn is many things: the youngest member of Congress, an enthusiastic fascist, a habitual fabulist, and, as we learned Friday morning, a dedicated Wife Guy — so much so, in fact, that it's overtaken his "job" and "the responsibilities entrusted to him by thousands of his constituents" as his main priority at the moment. Suck it haters.

Speaking with Real America's Voice host David Brody on Friday, Cawthorn defended his first-place finish in the "which new member of Congress has played the most hookey" race, claiming that his abysmal attendance record in the House is simply attrition in the Democrats' ongoing war on "the nuclear family in America." Actually, the dude just went on a nice vacation for his honeymoon.

"I was doing the only thing that I find more important than my service here in Congress, and that is my service as a husband," the freshman representative insisted, saying he'd missed "15 votes in one week" because of his honeymoon. According to Cawthorn's spokesman Micah Bock, Cawthorn's missed votes all occurred between April 13 and 16. However, according to, there have been 154 recorded votes on the House floor this year. To earn this year's 16.2% missed vote total awarded to him by Axios, Cawthorn would have had to have been absent for 25 votes, not 15. So unless I'm missing something, it sure seems like he's missing something.

To be fair, fudging details is sort of Cawthorn's thing. But it's not the specific number of votes missed that makes Cawthorn's absenteeism so egregious. It's how he justified it to Brody:

"Every single vote that came up, it was some Democrat garbage. So I was happy to not have to actually vote on those, because they're eliminating our voices — they're not allowing us to be able to debate on the House floor," Cawthorn said. "And I'll tell you, if I have to choose between voting with Nancy Pelosi, or spending time with my beautiful wife, I'll choose Cristina every time."

Ah, cool. I didn't know that was an option! I thought I'd have to figure out some clever ending to this blog, but I guess I'll go spend some time with my family instead.