To any NASA rocket scientists or NASCAR mechanics reading this who happen to be searching for a new form of engine lubricant: I suggest you look no further than the distilled essence of Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell — easily one of the slipperiest, slimiest, most effortlessly and shamelessly greasy substances known to humankind.
Just weeks after declaring former President Donald Trump both "practically and morally responsible" for the deadly Jan. 6 attempted coup at the United States Capitol, McConnell is back to his obsequious, scheming self, announcing during an interview with Fox News this week that he would "absolutely" back Trump as Republican nominee in the 2024 presidential election.
"There's a lot to happen between now and ," McConnell cautioned, adding, "I've got at least four members that I think are planning on running for president."
McConnell's presumed ownership of Republican senators notwithstanding ("I've got"), he nevertheless made clear that if the party chooses to nominate the man he claims to believe helped stoke and enact a full-blown attempted coup against the federal government, he would still back him to the hilt.
"The nominee of the party?" McConnell stated, in response to Fox News anchor Bret Baier's proposed "Trump in 2024" scenario. "Absolutely."
McConnell's recapitulation to the cult of Trump comes just as the Republican Party's unbridled id goes buck-wild at this year's Conservative Political Action Conference, where the former president is already being lauded as a literal idol ahead of his scheduled return to political demagoguery.
The timing of McConnell's comments is hardly a coincidence. After voting to absolve Trump of the very coup for which he claimed the former president bore practical and moral responsibility, McConnell is well aware that the GOP is essentially a party with a MAGA majority. And even if Trump himself doesn't end up the 2024 nominee (who knows!), it's in McConnell's best interest for him to position himself as MAGA-friendly — if not fully MAGA-deferential — as the farthest corners of the Trumpified conservative movement gather in Florida to complain about wearing face masks, and do ... whatever this is:
McConnell is, above all else, a politician par excellence — a status made possible by his absolutely superhuman resistance to shame and his singleminded pursuit of power at all costs. Is he a huge hypocrite? Boy is he. Does he care? Not even a little. McConnell is not a weathervane so much as he's a a schooner, sailing the political seas in pursuit of fame, fortune, and the power to make other people's lives miserable. If he smells even the slightest hint of MAGA in the wind, you can be absolutely sure he'll find a way to position his sail to catch as much of the fascist gale as possible, even if he has no intention of riding that gust forever.