Time to Log Off is a weekly series documenting the many ways our political figures show their whole asses online.
Let's be clear about something here: Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton is an objectively bad dude. An unapologetically transphobic, anti-immigrant, gun humping, conspiracy theorist; Paxton currently faces a criminal indictment for securities fraud and a separate FBI investigation for allegations of grotesque corruption. So, when a guy like Ken Paxton says you've messed up big, that's probably a sign that you've messed up big.
That's bad news for Paxton's Deputy Attorney General Aaron Reitz, who hurriedly rushed out an extremely "whoopsie doodle" apology on Wednesday night, less than 24 hours after calling fellow Texan and Olympic juggernaut Simone Biles a "selfish, childish national embarrassment" for her extremely reasonable decision to prioritize mental and physical health over doing a bunch of backflips.
As anyone who's a little too, shall we say, flippant online can tell you, one of the worst possible things that can happen is your boss catching you mouthing off instead of doing your job. And lo and behold, shortly after Reitz's uncalled-for drag on a national treasure, out came Paxton with some powerful "heard you've been fucking around, now it's time to find out" energy.
"This will be handled internally," Paxton tweeted regarding his deputy's outburst — and my god, is there any more chilling sentence in the English language than that?
In any case, that brings us to last night's mea culpa, in which Reitz — presumably under intense pressure from his boss, or merely horrified at the prospect of being under intense pressure from his boss — did a full 180 with his belly so full of crow that he'll be farting out black feathers for a month.
"Simone Biles is a true patriot and one of the greatest gymnasts of our time. I apologize to her, and wish her well," Reitz wrote in a brief tweeted statement, also making clear that his previous (and since deleted tweet) did not "represent Attorney General Paxton or the Office of the Attorney General."
Truly, if even Ken Paxton thinks you've gone too far, then, buddy, it's long past time for you to log the hell off.