Huge pissbaby congressman is suddenly very sorry he did a little bit of sedition

Boo hoo bitch.

UNITED STATES - MAY 24: Rep. Tom Rice, R-S.C., listens during the House Ways and Means Committee hea...
Bill Clark/CQ-Roll Call, Inc./Getty Images

I’m almost impressed by South Carolina Republican Rep. Tom Rice’s abrupt, if somewhat lackluster, about face in regards to his vote not to certify President Joe Biden’s electoral victory nearly one year ago. Almost. Because while it’s unquestionably good and healthy to own up to one’s past mistakes, that’s not what Rice actually did — even if he’s gone marginally farther than any other Republican member of Congress to date.

In an interview with Politico published Thursday, Rice basked in the benefit of 20-20 hindsight, telling the publication that “in retrospect I should have voted to certify, because President Trump was responsible for the attack on the Capitol.”

Are you following the logic there? If not, don’t worry — it’s because there is none. Rice is essentially claiming that if Trump hadn’t actively encouraged a mob of violent seditionists to breach the halls of Congress, then he would have voted the exact thing those same seditionists were hoping to achieve? [Feel free to imagine your favorite “mind blown” or “bwaaaa?” or “gtfo” gif here. I’ll wait.]

Oh, and it gets so much worse. Because ack-shoo-a-lee, Rice only voted against certifying Biden because he’d rather be a cowardly seditionist than a dang liar, or something.

“In the wee hours of that disgraceful night, while waiting for the Capitol of our great country to be secured, I knew I should vote to certify,” he continued. “But because I had made a public announcement of my intent to object, I did not want to go back on my word. So yeah, I regret my vote to object.”

Tommy...buddy... c’mon. “I know I shouldn’t have stuffed all those labradoodles into a wood chipper, but I’d already made a public announcement of my intent to stuff all those labradoodles into a wood chipper, so my hands were basically tied. Anyway, sorry folks. My bad!”

And while Rice did end up joining a paltry group of his fellow Republicans to vote in favor of impeaching Trump for his role in the insurrection, he still doesn’t actually seem to have any problems with backing the former president’s fundamental lie that started this whole stupid sedition snowball in the first place — he told Politico that he still believes there were “real issues with the election.”

What we have here is a man who simply cannot resist having his cake (being a giant sedition-endorsing shitheel) and eating it too (hoping people don’t actually notice). And with Rice up for reelection next year in a district where its primary county voted for Trump almost 2-1, I wonder which inclination is gonna win out when he hits the campaign trail? Hmmm....