Tucker Carlson thinks you should really consider tanning your balls

Seems nuts.

ESZTERGOM, HUNGARY - AUGUST 07: Tucker Carlson speaks during the Mathias Corvinus Collegium (MCC) Fe...
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Health Advice From the Peanut Gallery
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It’s many days after the first of April, but unfortunately the world is still dealing with epic fools. Fox News host and sentient navy blue L.L. Bean vest Tucker Carlson is the headlines yet again for his perceived victimhood of the straight American male. This time, Carlson investigates claims of the “collapse” of testosterone levels in men. If you’re the owner of a scrotum, however, his suggestion — that you start tanning your giblets to increase testosterone levels — might leave you a bit skeptical.

This spicy suggestion was first presented to the public in a clip last Friday for the second season of Carlson documentary series Tucker Carlson Originals. While his first season dealt with such topics as the Kyle Rittenhouse trial and George Soros conspiracies, this season’s opener deals with andropause, or the perceived testosterone deficiency of men.

In the special, he interviews men who attempt to offer a variety of solutions to this problem. “If you want to optimize and take it to another level, expose yourself to red light therapy,” says Carlson interview subject and “fitness expert” and personal trainer Andrew McGovern, and yes he’s talking about your balls.

Carlson’s documentary argues that what is a normal part of aging is a sign of what he calls, “The End of Men.” Hyperbole, much? Carlson also asserts that we would be crazy to not research ball tanning further.

While it is true that testosterone levels have decreased among the male population, experts assert that most of the reasons this is happening are due to age. Still, for some individuals, extreme measures must be taken to make sure that the hormone of the American male is protected … by the warm glow of technology? Sure.

McGovern, who can be seen in the documentary trailer exalting his balls like Jesus on the mount, mentions in the clip that he is using a machine called the Joovv (on his balls). While Joovv doesn’t directly advocate for its use on your junk, they do claim on their website that their machines treat the body using red light therapy, or infrared wavelengths of light in order to enhance cellular function, reduce inflammation, and improve blood flow, amongst other things.

Red light therapy, the function of this Tesla battery-esque machine these dudes seem to be using on their crown jewels has been the subject of many recent studies that show potential, but experts say more research needs to be done to confirm its efficacy.

Unsurprisingly there is zero research on the subject of scrotum tanning, but I’m sure Dr. Fauci and the rest of the scientists over at the NIH are going to drop everything they’re doing to switch focus thanks to this documentary. Regardless, exposing one of the most sensitive parts anyone’s body to an unconfirmed treatment seems like a bad idea, don’t you think?