Everything you need to know about achieving a “dry orgasm.”
I feel like I have a basic familiarity with sexual landscapes across the board but honestly, the prostate is kind of a mystery to me. I don’t have one and since I only had sex with people with vaginas for like ten years, I apparently missed some important innovations in the seminal sciences. I was today years old when I learned about prostate milking. But I am nothing if not DTF (down to find out, pervs) so I asked a urologist to help me investigate the latest vegan nut milk craze.
First of all, if you haven’t heard the term “prostate milking,” before that’s because it is a new colloquialism. What it refers to is prostate massage, though, which is not new at all. “I’m gay and I talk to a lot of my friends about sex,” Joshua Gonzalez, an LA-based urologist and sex educator for Astroglide, tells me. “Prostate stimulation amongst gay men is fairly common,” Gonzalez explained, but even he hadn’t heard it referred to as “milking,” which made me feel a lot better. If a gay dick doctor hasn’t heard the term, then it was probably invented by dude-bros and is therefore kinda sus.
Basically, what people are calling prostate milking is actually just prostate massage vigorous enough to get the prostate to secrete fluid, Gonzalez explains. Yes, in case you didn’t know, the prostate — a gland which is located just below the rectum but above the bladder of penis-havers — does make a kind of fluid. It’s definitely not milk, but it is a whitish liquid that is sort of the perfect base to carry sperm in because it's rich with enzymes. Prostatic fluid — a.k.a. milk — makes up 20-30% of ejaculate, which is also comprised of semen and testicular fluid. In other words, prostatic fluid is not what we generally refer to as cum, but it is one of the main ingredients of cum.
Here’s the thing: It’s apparently kind of hard to get the prostate to secrete its fluid, which is why a lot of people refer to the orgasms produced by prostate milking as “dry orgasms.” But just because the name is kind of off, that doesn’t mean that the orgasms made by stimulating the prostate aren’t bangers. “Orgasm doesn’t necessarily have to do with fluid,” says Gonzalez, “it’s not that different from clitoral or vaginal orgasms.” In other words, if you have a vagina, you already know that you don’t have to squirt to have a good time, and neither do dicks. IYKYK.
So, then, should I be out here milking prostates or what? Gonzalez didn’t offer an opinion on my personal sex practices, but he does say that prostate stimulation is pretty great. “Direct prostate stimulation can be pleasurable,” says Gonzalez. But, he adds, it’s helpful to know where the prostate is before you go sticking your finger up your ass (or someone else’s). “For most people it’s not as deep into the rectum as their index finger.”
Like the clit, you will know the prostate when you find it, Gonzalez says. Some people call the prostate the P-spot because it’s kinda like the penis-haver’s G-spot. Gonzalez has some pro tips for this kind of anal adventure. “A lot of people will just sort of stick their finger in,” he says. But if you look at any prostate-specific toys, you will notice that they’re curved. That’s because you access through the rectum, but it’s actually more towards the front of the body, so you have to curve your finger and press forward to get at it.
So, if you’re milking yourself and you are laying on your back, press towards your belly button, says Gonzalez. If you’re on all fours and someone else is stimulating you, press down towards the belly button. Basically, no matter who’s milking who, press towards the navel to find the prostate. He recommends using a lot of lube and says that if anything feels painful, it’s time to stop.
Also, in case you’re scared that having your prostate stimulated will make you poop: It won’t. “If you don’t have any poop in the rectum, you won’t poop,” he explains. But, Gonzalez adds that having your rectum stimulated can make you feel like you are going to poop. If that happens, Gonzalez says to relax. In prostate milking as in life, clenching will make the whole project a lot less fun for everyone.