Wow, 2020 candle trends keep getting worse.
First, celebrities like Gwyneth Paltrow and Erykah Badu graced the world with homegoods scented like their nether-regions. Not literally, in Paltrow’s case, but abso-fuckin-lutely literally when it comes to “Badu’s Pussy” incense, which the singer fabricated by burning shreds of her worn undies. You can buy it on Badu World Market, her ecommerce site, launching soon.
Since corporations love nothing more than hopping on a trend, McDonald’s recently debuted a six-pack of candles that smell like a hamburger… More accurately, the scented candle collection smells like a McDonald’s Quarter Pounder, with each of the votives inspired by a different sandwich ingredient: bun, ketchup, pickle, cheese, onion and beef. The restaurant chain recommends buyers burn them together for “maximum deliciousness.” Insert vomit emoji here.
The Quarter Pounder candles are fully deranged. Full stop. Unless you like having your home, clothes, pets and furniture reek of fast food, it’s hard to imagine anyone earnestly buying the McDonald’s hamburger candle six-pack.
This cursed invention actually brings to mind other malodorous novelty products, like this evil Silly Putty I saw at Walmart recently. It’s a “mystery egg” with putty inside that either smells sweet, like watermelon or blueberry, or stinky, like mud or pickles…
The product reviews on this toy are hysterical: “I bought one of these tonight for my 4 year old, who was excited to play with silly putty regardless of the smell. Cut to five minutes later our house and son smell like a dirty campfire. My wife had to leave the room with a headache, and my son is upset that we had to throw it out.”
There’s also Stink Blasters, the action figures from the early 2000s that sprayed a stinky scent when you squeezed their heads. And those bad-tasting Jelly Bellys you’d dare your friends to eat in grade school.
Now, these other offenses to the senses are marketed at prank-loving children, which doesn’t really explain the Quarter Pounder candle set. But it’s not that hard to puzzle-out the restaurant’s motives: it’s a marketing ploy, obviously.
According to McDonald’s, the bizarre scents (people have fixated on the beef candle, but I’m far more disturbed by the pickle and cheese varietals) were created to honor the burger’s longevity. It’s been on the menu at Mickey-D’s for almost half a century.
The brand actually launched a whole collection of Quarter Pounder-inspired merch, and crazy candles aside, some of it is pretty cool. (Notably, sales benefit the Ronald McDonald House Charities.) There are some striped mittens that I clocked as pretty cute — till I realized they’re “couples mittens,” where there’s one gigangic mitten you hold hands inside of. McDonald’s also promoted some fly pickle pumps on its Instagram, but sadly, those aren’t for sale for real. Supreme should watch its back, though.