Slacker’s Syllabus: How to have mindful sex

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Mindfulness can’t make you happy, but it can help you have better sex. According to recent studies on the subject, mindfulness in the bedroom is linked to better self-esteem, more satisfaction in relationships, and, generally, more satisfaction with individual sex lives.

Here’s how to do it.

When we bring mindfulness to sex, it can have profound impacts.

Sarah Trivett, psychotherapist

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Start with masturbation

The first thing you should do, says Sarah Trivett, a psychotherapist specializing in somatic therapy, is let go of your get-off fantasy. If you’re fully present to what you’re seeing, feeling, smelling, hearing, and tasting, then you’re being mindful.

Engage your senses

Setting the scene is a more mindful approach as opposed to a quick and dirty sesh on, say, the bathroom floor. So how exactly do you make your environment more sensually appealing? Trivett says the key is to romance yourself.

Arrange your space in a way that’s pleasing to the eye, put on music to get in the mood, have soft fabrics on hand, or burn some scented candles. Or do all of the above!


Pleasure, sensation, orgasm, intimacy and connection become more vibrant the more present we are.

Sarah Trivett

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Don’t overthink it

Finally, let go of your expectations. Instead of worrying about how you look or whether your partner is judging your floor lamp, try to instead focus on communicating what you want. Not only is it hot, but it takes you out of your head and into the moment.

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